460 never failed yet Recipes

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

hard-cooked eggs, peeled and chopped, minced red onion, mayonnaise, prepared mustard, salt, pepper, bacon, cooked and crumbled, original recipe calls for 1/3 cup diced celery. i never keep celery around and i prefer onion so i made this change.

good chicken stock, olive oil, unsalted butter (used in different stages), fresh wild mushrooms such as porcini or chanterelles wiped clean with a damp kitchen towel and sliced thin...i used baby portabella s in the picture., sweet onions, arborio rice, grated parmigiano-reggiano (3/4 cup)

okay , so all i had left in the freezer was a small thing of beef and a box of peas. so i tried to use a side dish i had in my cookbook that i ve never tried before, and incorperate the ingredients i had into it somehow. the result was downright disasterous. but i m going to give you guys the original recipe, and then tell you exactly what i did to screw it up., seedless cucumbers (plastic wrapped), peeled, unsalted butter or margarine, chopped fresh mint, salt, black pepper, grated fresh lemon zest, fresh lemon juice

pie crust, butter crisco or shortening..i use always use crisco, flour, salt, ice cold water ( i fill up a smaill bowl with water and dump ice cubes in it), shortening, flour, salt, ice cold water

raspberry gelatin (can substitute orange or cherry), whole cranberry sauce, ginger, red grapes, walnuts or pecans (chopped), chopped celery, apple, diced, mandarin oranges, drained , juice reserved, sour cream, mayonnaise, orange zest, orange juice, flour, salt, shortening that has been refrigerated (guest prefers crisco butter flavored sticks), water

fresh or jarred sauerkraut, unsalted butter or duck, chicken, or goose fat, apple-cured bacon , cut into 1/2-inch thick slices, yellow onions, peeled and sliced, fresh thyme, bay leaves, black peppercorns, juniper berries, lightly crushed, head garlic , split in 1/2 crosswise, ham hocks, scored, chicken stock, dark or amber beer (recommended : abita amber), andouille or garlic sausage, kielbasa, or knockwurst, cut into 3-inch lengths, bratwurst or veal sausage, cut into 3-inch lengths, boneless smoked pork chops (or 8 very small ), creole, whole-grain , or dijon mustard, for serving

pork but 8-10 lbs, paprika, salt, brown sugar, garlic powder, onion powder, chili powder, dried mustard, cumin, more cayene, course black pepper, cinnamon, nutmeg, meat injector, cider vinegar, hot sauce, butter, brown sugar, black pepper, if you plan on roasting this in the oven add, liquid smoke

taco seasonings or chicken taco seasoning, olive oil, cracked black pepper to taste, pork tenderloin, (diced into small bite size pieces), pico de gallo, ripe tomatoes, diced and seeded, white onion, diced, red onion, diced, fresh cilantro, chopped, jalapeno, seeded and chopped, garlic, minced, cracked black pepper, salt, juice of 1 lime, fixings, corn tortillas, fresh guacamole (if desired), shredded mexican blend cheese, shredded lettuce, sour cream, lime wedges (allow at least 1/2 per serving)

crisco (may use 2 sticks unsalted butter ), boiling water, sugar, all bran, salt, eggs, well-beaten, dry yeast, lukewarm water, unbleached white flour (never use over 7 cups, usually just 6 cups is sufficient, because dough will be soft)

water (i never warm the ), yeast, oil, honey, whole spelt flour, salt

very finely chopped cabbage (about the size of rice), shredded carrots, minced onions (i grate mine,mainly just using the juice), sugar, salt, pepper, mayo, milk, buttermilk, tarragon vinegar.(dont worry i never have that stuff ,i use cider vinegar)

you want to take 3 eggs, break into a jug, now you want the same amount of flour as the eggs, same amount of milk, salt, cold water

sliced onion, diced green pepper (i never use this, since i can tsp eat bell pepper), minute rice, oil or butter, water, tomato sauce (8 oz each) or 2 can diced tomatoes (2 lb each) and omit the 2 cups water, salt, black pepper, picante sauce to taste for heat ( i use 2 tbsp of medium)

i have found for cooking heavy whipping cream is best. cook slow and temper (this is when u add some of the hot liquid to the cream to bring it up to temp.) before putting in a hot liquid. if it is cooked to long and too hot it will break up or separate. i also know it can dry up, but just follow these rules and it should be okay. cream picks up flavors pretty quick. i would thin 15 or 30 mins. is long enough to let the cream sit with ingredients, althought when i was making souffles and other desserts the cream was not a factor unless i beat it too long (it would dis-solve to nothing), didnt have a clean, cold bowl or cream was warm., cream, half & is at least 10.5% butterfat (milkfat), light cream is between 18 and 30% butterfat, light whipping cream is between 30 and 36% butterfat, heavy whipping cream is between 36 and 40% butterfat., colder cream is to start, and the colder it stays as you whip it, the easier and better it whips., if it is not cold enough , it doesn tsp whip , it churns (no air is incorporated) which makes butter., when whipping cream , add the sugar when the cream is mostly whipped, and the cream will whip to a higher volume. adding the sugar at., prevent cream from curdling when adding to coffee, use fresh cream. as cream ages, its lactic acid content increases. acid can curdle cream. the acid in coffee, along with coffee s heat, favor curdling of cream., here are some facts and tips on using cream or milk in hot dishes., lower the butterfat (milkfat) content, the more likely cream is to separate., half & is at least 10.5% butterfat (milkfat), light cream is between 18% and 30% butterfat, light whipping cream is 30% to 36% butterfat, heavy cream (heavy whipping cream) is 36% to 40% butterfat, hotter the liquid , the more likely cream is to curdle (separate). cream should never be added to a boiling liquid., when adding cream or milk, it is best to heat it up a bit before adding it to another hot liquid. it is partly the difference in temperature that causes milk or cream to curdle. the beginning results is lower volume., freezing cream : freeze only heavy cream containing 40% or more butterfat. heat to 170 to 180of for 15 minutes. for storage longer than 2 months, add 1/3 cup sugar per quart of cream. cool quickly. place in moisture-vapor resistant containers, leaving 1/2-inch headspace., cream whipped after freezing and thawing does not become as stiff as never-frozen cream. individual whipped cream garnishes can be satisfactorily frozen by whipping cream before freezing. place dollops of whipped cream on baking sheet and freeze. once solidly frozen, remove dollops and store in the freezer in freezer containers.

brownie base, sugar, flour, baking cocoa, salt, vegetable or canola oil, eggs, vanilla extract, cookie dough topping, butter, softened, brown sugar, white sugar, half-and-half, vanilla extract, flour, glaze, semisweet or milk chocolate chips, shortening ( i never use this)