46 what its Recipes

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

eggplants, unpeeled and chopped into bite size cubes, zucchini, sliced, white button mushrooms, sliced, green peppers , cut into strips, onion, sliced (i like to use red onion but you can use what you like), garlic cloves, minced, diced tomatoes, undrained, thyme, cumin, sage, marjoram, bay leaf, sweet paprika, soy margarine (for non-vegan version, use regular margarine), garlic powder, onion powder, sweet basil, salt and pepper, cooked rice , to eat it over

digestive plain sweet biscuit crumbs, sugar, butter, melted, strawberry jam, melted, cream cheese (can be a mix of non fat, light or full fat whatever way you want to split it up if you want to watch), sweetened condensed milk (whatever you can buy close to that weight in your country that just happens to be what weight they s), egg whites, egg, lemons, fresh strawberries, strawberry jam, melted

milk (that s what was in the fridge, feel free to up it to whole), heavy cream, egg yolks, sugar, vanilla, prunes, chopped, armagnac, water

frozen hash brown potatoes or o brian potatoes-like i m using here, shredded cheddar cheese, diced, cooked ham or sausage or other meat of your choice, chopped onions, eggs, beaten or 1 cup of egg substitute which is what i use and it works great, evaporated milk-i m using the regular kind but you can use lower fat versions if you like ., ground black pepper, salt, in place of the black pepper and the salt add about 1/2 tsp of emerille la gasse s, original essence-i found mine at sam s club in a massive container and it was the same price as the smaller ones, if you like a more snappy flavor to your egg dishes which i like add, ortega mild green chilies, diced, top with: pace salsa or any other salsa you happen to like. another good 1 is trader joe s garlic salsagreat flavor and 1 of dozens they make

steaks , approximate 1/2 to 3/4 lb, cut in strips, zucchini , in italian style sauce (i used del monte), diced tomatoes , with juices, minced garlic (i used jarred for convenience), salt , pepper to taste, crushed red pepper, diced onion , was considering using, but did not, egg noodles, water, if mixture too thick, wine , if desired it was what i had, not necessary, can also use beef broth id desired (i used a zinfandel, i did not use)

chicken broth or 4 cups, water, chicken breasts, carrots, sliced, celery, sliced, onion, roughly chopped, chicken bouillon granules or 4 -5 chicken bouillon cubes, dried parsley, mashed potatoes , see recipe above, egg noodles , see recipe above it s what makes the soup or 11 oz frozen wide, salt & pepper, to taste

vegetable oil--peanut or walnut or hazelnut, perhaps 1/2 cup., mustard, dijon-type or grainy, salt to taste, chopped herbs , like parsley, tarragon, basil, depending on what you re putting it on--fresh is better, but dried tarragon works fine, vinegar. i use white balsamic and lemon juice, but others work fine

chopped broccoli flowerets, red onion, very thinly sliced, grated 50% light cheddar cheese, dried, sweetened cranberries or raisins, sliced canned beets (drained-rinsed ), plain fat free yogurt, honey, light (no fat )mayonnaise, apple cider vinegar, unsalted, dry roasted , hulled sunflower seeds or chopped walnuts, less fat bacon pieces, this is what i mean and it is lower calories, also..thanks mark!! hormel low fat (jarred )bacon pieces)., in a large, glass serving bowl, layer broccoli, onion and cranberries. small bowl, whisk together yogurt, honey, mayonnaise and vinegar. drizzle the yogurt dressing over the layered salad. layer cheese on top. cover and refrigerate until ready to serve. sprinkle with sunflower seeds and bacon pieces just before serving., nutritional facts, saturated fat : 4.5 g, cholesterol : 25 mg, sodium: 350 mg, calcium : 25% daily value, protein : 14 g, carbohydrates : 29 g

sliced chicken breast, cooking oil (soya bean), thai green curry paste (this is what makes it spicy), coconut cream, coconut milk, pea eggplant (eggplant cubed into small pieces will do), kaffir leaves stem removed and torn, thai fish sauce, sugar, handful sweet basil leaves, red chilies diagonally sliced (red bell pepper will do)

whole tomatoes chopped or 2 cans of diced tomatoes (mostly drained), yellow onion chopped, fresh squeezed lime juice from 1 whole lime, jalapeno slices finely chopped (depending on how hot you like it), fresh cilantro (what makes it good), cumin, cracked black pepper to taste

cleaned grasshoppers, (heads, wings and legs removed), flour ........this is always to much -but its the close st amount i can get to what i use..., shake of baking powder, salt, milk- maybe a smidge more if to thick, egg , whipped /beaten ..get it foamy, angostura bitters ........or two if you like...just go easy with this stuff -its potent...

penne pasta (i use creammette), frozen peas and carrots, diced onion, low-fat cream of mushroom soup (or cream of chicken), low-fat sour cream or 1/2 cup fat free sour cream, garlic salt, pepper, shredded low-fat cheese (parmesean is what i use) or 1/2 cup of crushed low-fat ritz crackers, crumbs (i have also used italian flavor bread crumbs and its delicious!)

fat free chicken broth, chicken breast, drained ., frozen mixed vegetables ., rainbow rotini, rotel tomatoes (this is what makes it spicy!), onion powder ., salt and pepper to taste.

cream cheese (best if you take it out of the fridge in advance for it to soften), cream, vanilla flavoring, sugar (this is what we like, feel free to add and subtract the amount), gelatin, powder (it s about 1 tsp or so), crushed graham cracker (for a more creative and different twist you can crush up some cookies or oreos to ), melted unsalted butter

chicken, canister stove top stuffing, eggs, sour cream, creamy chicken mushroom soup, this recipe can easily be halved for smaller families. keep in mind, i do everything i can as quickly and easily as possible. cooked and shredded left over chicken can be used (2-3 cup). adjust baking time if using smaller dish.

sour cream, good seasons dry italian salad dressing mix, white tuna in water, drained and flaked