76115 elaine holiday cut christmas Recipes

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

cut fresh green beans (about 2 lb), sliced fresh mushrooms, butter, king arthur unbleached all-purpose flour, dried minced onion, pepper, fat-free milk, reduced-fat sour cream, worcestershire sauce, shredded reduced-fat swiss cheese, almonds, crushed cornflakes, butter, melted

christmas pudding, brandy, melted dark cooking chocolate, melted white chocolate

rice chex, corn chex, honey nut cheerios toasted oat cereal, pretzels, salted peanuts, holiday m &m s plain chocolate candy (red & green), holiday m &m s peanut chocolate candies, white chocolate chips

cooked turkey breast or thigh, skin on, cut into chunks, sized raw potato, cut into chunks, shallots, finely sliced, garlic, finely chopped, turnip, cut into chunks, shredded raw carrot, raw green or wax beans, raw asparagus, salt and pepper to taste, oregano, pure vanilla, dijon mustard, worcestershire sauce, chicken or turkey stock, rice flour, phyllo pastry

graham cracker crumbs (from about 5 oz graham crackers), toasted almonds, finely chopped, english toffee bits (such as skor), dark brown sugar, salt, unsalted butter, melted, cream cheese, room temperature, dark brown sugar, eggs, vanilla extract, almond extract, chocolate-covered english toffee (such as skor or heath bars), cut into 1/2-inch pieces, sour cream, sugar, vanilla extract, assorted candies (such as gumdrops and holiday m&m s)

pretzels (i prefer the square shape ), hugs chocolates, m & s plain chocolate candy (christ as colors)

green pepper, chopped finely, red pepper, chopped finely, onion, chopped finely, butter or 2 tbsp oil, eggs, sour cream (optional), salsa (optional), chopped cooked ham , i use honey maple, flour tortillas, use red and green for a christmas brunch, grated cheddar cheese, divided

eggs, egg yolks, sugar, king arthur unbleached all-purpose flour, baking powder, milk, butter, melted, sugar, water, cream of tartar, sugar, tube each red and green decorating frosting, holiday sprinkles

butter, softened, snack rye bread, snack pumpernickel bread, deli ham salad, chopped celery, worcestershire sauce, deli chicken salad, diced peeled apple, sour cream, christmas bow , optional

white or milk chocolate candy coating, coarsely chopped, oreo cookies, christmas-shaped sprinkles , snowflake decors and red and green sprinkles

eggs, separated, butter, softened, sugar, divided, dark rum, cake flour, baking powder, salt, coconut milk, heavy whipping cream, sugar, vanilla extract, seedless raspberry jam, flaked coconut, frosted christmas tree (see below ), porcelain snowman ornament, bubble bowl (about 6-inch opening)

holiday dry rub, salt, chili powder, sugar, ground cinnamon

christmas plum pudding, milk, double cream, vanilla ice cream, brandy

christmas honey fruit drops, mixed chopped candied fruits and peels , chopped candied cherries, raisins, and chopped pecans, bourbon, brown sugar, honey, butter or margarine, eggs, all purpose flour, baking soda, ground cinnamon, ground nutmeg, baking powder, dairy sour cream, combine fruits , nuts, and bourbon. cover, let stand several hours. in mixer bowl cream sugar, honey, and butter or margarine. beat in eggs. mix dry ingredients. add to creamed mixture alternately with sour cream. stir fruit mixture into creamed mixture. drop by tsp onto greased cookie sheet. bake in 350 degree oven for 10 to 12 minutes. cool on wire rack. frost, if desired. makes about 5 dozen cookies.

turkey carcass (meat removed from thanksgiving or christmas dinner), bay leaf, turkey broth, cut up turkey meat, dry barley, dry rice (brown preferred ), chopped onion, chopped fresh parsley, water (filtered preferred), poultry seasoning, salt (sea preferred), pressed garlic cloves or 1 tsp garlic powder, chopped carrot, chopped celery ribs, pepper