1078 those who don aka Recipes

pork spare rib cuts (normal spare ribs cut across into 2), spicy italian pork sausage - cut into inch long chunks, plain canned tomato sauce or 2 tbsp canned tomato paste, chopped garlic, wine glass dry white vermouth, hot chili flakes or red pepper flakes (or to taste), anchovy fillets - drained, a cup pitted green olives - bashed with the flat side of a cleaver, capers- rinsed and drained, water or light unsalted chicken stock, level tsp sugar or to taste, olive oil

grated parmesan cheese, shredded mozzarella cheese, mayonnaise, garlic, minced, artichokes, drained and finely chopped, green onions, chopped, assorted crackers

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

old age, i decided , is a gift., i am now , probably for the first time in my life, the person i have always wanted to be., i would never trade my amazing friends , my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. as i ve aged, i ve become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. i ve become my own friend., i don tsp chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that i didn tsp need, but looks so avant garde on my patio. i am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant., whose business is it if i choose to read or play on the computer until 4 am and sleep until noon, i will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50 s, 60 s, & 70 s, and if i, wish i will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if i choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set., will get old ., i know i am sometimes forgetful. but there again , some of life is just as well forgotten. and i eventually remember the important things.., over the years my heart has been broken ..., but broken hearts are what give us strength andunderstanding and compassion. a heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect., i am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. so many have never laughed, and so may have died before their hair could turn silver., as you get older , it is easier to be positive. you care less about what other people think. i don tsp question myself anymore. i ve even earned the right to be wrong., answer your question , i like being old. it has set me free.. i like the person i have become., i am not going to live forever, but while i am still here, i will not waste time lamenting about what could have been, or worrying about what will be. and i shall eat dessert every single day. (if i feel like it), may our friendship never come apart especially when it s straight from the heart, may you always have a rainbow of smiles on your face and in your heart forever and ever

ripe tomato, diced for picklelover, garlic cloves, finely chopped for iewe and her houseful of garlic lovers, fresh cilantro, coarsely chopped for txgrifflover, who is an acquired taste, red onion, finely chopped for our savoury friend, chipotle chile, finely chopped for french bunny, who is sometimes hot & spicy, adobo sauce , from canned chipotle chile for heydarl, who likes to surprise with a kick, sugar , for bella14ragazza, our sweet team member, lime juice , to taste for gaylav, who provides a little pucker power, salt , to taste, for iceland, as she is sure to find in iceland, black pepper, freshly ground , to taste for katew, our pepper lover, cinnamon (optional), ground allspice (optional), ground cumin (optional)

butter (if more is needed, feel free), onion, diced, ham (if you re a vegetarian or you just don tsp want to use meat, feel free to just use vegetables. korean ) or 1 cup pork (if you re a vegetarian or you just don tsp want to use meat, feel free to just use vegetables. korean ) or 1 cup any other meat, cooked and diced (if you re a vegetarian or you just don tsp want to use meat, feel free to just use vegetables. korean ), kim chee, cut into small pieces, kim chee liquid, cooked rice (me and my family eat sticky rice), dashi stock, sesame oil (optional)

monday, breakfast - who can eat breakfast on a monday swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth, lunch - send your secretary out for six gutbombers those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. also serving french fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox., afternoon snack - drink the maalox, dinner - six pack of beer and kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don tsp eat the coleslaw., tuesday, breakfast - eat the coleslaw, lunch - go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea., dinner - four tacos and a pitcher of sangria., wednesday, breakfast - jaws couldn tsp eat breakfast after a night out ., lunch - rolaids and a coke, dinner - drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps, thursday, breakfast - serving out for pizza, lunch - your secretary is out sick , check mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers., dinner - go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask the bartender for olives., friday, breakfast - eggs , sausage, and an english muffin at mcdonalds. eat the styrofoam plate and leave the food. it tastes better and it s better for you., lunch - skip lunch , fridays are murder, dinner - steak , well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. don tsp eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus., saturday, breakfast - sleep through it ., lunch - ditto, dinner - steak , well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. dont eat the brussel sprouts. take them home and plant them in a hanging basket., sunday, breakfast - three bloody marys and half a twinkie., lunch - eat lunch waste a good buzz dont eat lunch ., dinner - chicken noodle soup - call a girl... called friend ... and ask her about renting a room, if that fails....there s always your mom, feed them ...and...they shall come

mayonnaise, sour cream, green onion, grated, parsley, dill weed, seasoning salt

red potatoes, cubed, balsamic vinegar, salt & pepper, mayonnaise , blended with, mustard, crumbled cooked bacon, chopped red onion

potatoes, onion, eggs, flour, salt, pepper, corn oil (for frying )

quinces, ripe (ask the seller about ripeness), creme fraiche, thick (or thick cream, 125 g), superfine sugar (caster sugar, 90 g), vanilla, granulated sugar (150 g), salt

yellow cake mix, apple butter, smart balance omega cooking oil, low fat vanilla soymilk, egg whites, semi-sweet chocolate chips (more or less to suit your taste)

simple syrup, basil leaves, fresh lime juice, spoonfuls of orange marmalade, partida tequila, lime wedge for garnish

stew meat, cut into chunks, potatoes, peeled and sliced into chunks, onion, chopped, frozen peas, tomato soup, water (half a soup can), milk (half a soup can), bay leaf

baby lima beans , sorted and rinsed, dry white beans (navy or northern) or 1/2 cup black-eyed peas, sorted and rinsed (you can also use a good cholent bean mix), chuck roast (don tsp use that fatty cholent plate and do put some bones in) or 1 1/4 lbs beef brisket (don tsp use that fatty cholent plate and do put some bones in) or 1 1/4 lbs top ribs (don tsp use that fatty cholent plate and do put some bones in) or 1 1/4 lbs beef shanks (don tsp use that fatty cholent plate and do put some bones in) or 1 1/4 lbs other pot roast (don tsp use that fatty cholent plate and do put some bones in), onion, chopped, pot barley, washed, dry lentils , sorted and rinsed, paprika, salt, ground black pepper, ground ginger, potatoes , scrubbed

risotto with sausage and cranberry beans, make risotto , you absolutely must use a specific type of rice called arborio rice (carnaroli and vialone nano are also used, some say superior, but are more difficult to find). these types of rice release starch when stirred in a liquid; it is this process which makes risotto, otherwise you just have a starchy mess of mush. these types of rice are identified by their fat round grains and pearly appearance. they can be used to make other sorts of rice dishes, such as pilaf, but other types of rice cannot be used for risotto. arborio is no longer that much of a specialty product; it can be found in most large, well-stocked grocery stores in the italian section. or sometimes, misguidedly, in the asian section., okay , so now we have the rice. you will also need some good, low-salt stock or broth - it should be low-salt not for health reasons, but because a good deal of it will evaporate, leaving its salt behind, and i like to have more control over the salt in a dish. it can be homemade, but i m not going to be a snob about it because, in truth, we go through gallons of store-bought stock in this household and i don tsp see that changing anytime soon. furthermore, risotto is actually a dish which can be whipped up out of thin air when it seems as though you have nothing to eat, as long as you have butter, rice, stock, maybe a few herbs, and some leftover parmesan. i like the kind of stock purchased in tetrapak cartons, because they are resealable and can be put in the fridge and used as needed. if you really want to use homemade but you don tsp have time to make stock or don tsp like the aroma of roasting bones in your house (i don tsp blame you), you can buy really great stock at north market poultry and game - it is expensive, but can be diluted with a 2- or 3-to-1 ratio of water to stock, so it stretches. my general guideline is to plan on 1/4 cup dry rice per person, and about 4 cups of stock to 1 cup of rice. of course, this isn tsp exact and will vary depending on your elevation and the phases of the moon, but it s a good place to start. i usually just use 4 cups of stock and then dilute with water or wine (or sometimes beer, if that s all i have) if i feel i m going to run out., well, we have rice and stock covered, now we just need our setup: place the stock in a saucepan on your rear burner, bring to a simmer, and leave it there with a 6-8 oz ladle in, and place a large, wide saute pan (must be really large, plan that your rice will at least quadruple in size) or dutch oven on the burner in front. get out your favorite wooden spoon and flex your stirring arm., nice thing about using sausage is it s so full of flavor you can leave out the usual onion/garlic/shallot/celery nonsense if you re tired and don tsp feel like chopping. furthermore, sausage goes from the freezer to the pan without suffering too much. okay, let s go, risotto with sausage and cranberry beans - serves 4, links italian sausage , or 1 lb bulk (or hot, or a combination - definitely with some fennel), casings removed, cooked cranberry beans or 1 can white beans, drained, arborio rice, beef , chicken or vegetable stock, butter, freshly, finely grated parmesan cheese , plus more for garnish, an oz) flat-leaf parsley, chopped finely, lemon juice , or juice from 1/2 lemon, salt and black pepper to taste, red pepper flakes to taste, optional, good balsamic vinegar , optional

pillsbury breadsticks, egg, beaten, kosher salt (or you can you poppy seeds, or even grated parmesan, use your favorite pretzel toppings, i prefer ju), velveeta cheese (i like spicy ), dijon mustard (you can add more if you want more tang), dark beer (if you don tsp want to use beer, you can use milk, but the beer to me just really adds a nice flavor), grated onion, diced bacon , sauteed (optional as a garnish)

vinegar (i like apple cider ), fresh dill or 1 1/2 tsp dried dill, grated onions, fresh ground black pepper, cucumbers, peeled, seeded and thinly sliced, low-fat plain yogurt, potato , nuked and peeled, canola oil, onions, finely chopped, jalapeno pepper, seeded and minced (if you don tsp like heat, use banana pepper or poblano pepper), garlic cloves, minced, fresh parsley, minced (plan on using the whole bunch, zaar editor doesn tsp do bunch), garbanzo beans, drained, rinsed and well smashed, plain low-fat yogurt, paprika, lemon , juice of, whole wheat pita bread, cut in half, shredded lettuce, tomatoes