39 you back Recipes

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

fresh corn (cut from 3 large corn cobs, or you can substitute with tinned sweet corn kernels), red onion, chopped, eggs, handful of chopped coriander leaves, plain flour, baking powder, sea salt, fresh ground black pepper, vegetable oil (for frying ), smoked back bacon, baby spinach leaves, roasted tomato (see below ), avocado salsa (see below ), tomatoes, halved (preferably roma ), generous drizzle extra-virgin olive oil, dried herbs (optional), sea salt, fresh ground black pepper, ripe avocados , stones removed and diced, handful of chopped coriander leaves, lemon juice or 2 tbsp lime juice, chopped spring onions, tomato, quartered seeded and finely sliced, chili paste (optional), sea salt

unsalted butter, softened, sugar, eggs, at room temperature, white vinegar, almost 1 cup milk, at room temperature, vanilla, unbleached all-purpose flour, baking powder, salt (cut back if you use ed butter!)

onions, halved and thinly sliced, olive oil, dried oregano, smoked back bacon, chopped, chopped tomatoes , in rich juice, basil leaves , roughly torn, plus extra to serve if you like, fresh egg lasagna noodles (check pack for cooking instructions), milk, butter, all-purpose flour, fresh nutmeg, parmesan cheese, grated

garlic clove, salt, well-shaken buttermilk, mayonnaise, chopped fresh basil (if you use dried basil, back it down to 2 tsp)

oil, mustard seeds, fresh salmon, boneless and skinned, cut into chunks (but save the skin!), onion , cut into strips, garlic cloves, chopped, yellow bell pepper , cut into strips, butternut squash, cut into 1 inch cubes, coconut milk, chicken stock, lemongrass , bruised with back of knife (whacked and bruised but not hacked to pieces), fish sauce, curry paste (if you like more have fun!), salt , to taste

bacon, chopped (i used back bacon), pork tenderloin , cut into bite sized pieces (or boneless, skinless chicken), salt, fresh ground black pepper, onion, chopped, garlic cloves, minced, dry white wine (i used chardonnay), chicken broth, dried oregano, dried tarragon, dried rosemary, bay leaf, cayenne pepper (more if you like spicy ), diced tomatoes (1/2 of a 16oz can), fresh mushrooms, sliced thickly (portabello, shiitake are good), fresh parsley, chopped, fresh basil, chopped, whipping cream

onion, chopped, garlic, minced, butter, condensed tomato soup, water, crabmeat (lump, back fin, special , or claw), dried parsley, ground pepper, old bay seasoning (more if you like it spicy), frozen mixed vegetables, stalks asparagus, fresh (cut up )

unsalted butter, slightly softened, chopped fresh tarragon leaves, heaping tbsp hot sauce , or more if you like your food really spicy (recommended: frank s), kosher salt, freshly ground black pepper, oysters , shucked carefully over a bowl, catching the oyster liquor and putting back into the shell with the oyster, hot sauce (recommended : frank s red hot), tarragon leaves, for garnish

food cake mix (you will probably only be able to fit about 2/3 of the cake in your truffle bowl), water, oil, eggs, chocolate syrup (you can substitute coffee liqueur for the if you want), instant chocolate pudding mix, back of heath toffee pieces (also called baking bits)

white bread, or brown or granary. thick sliced with crusts removed, eggs, poached or soft/hard boiled, back bacon, thick-sliced , you can use streaky bacon, little gem lettuces, leaves separated and rinsed can also be (2 small cos lettuce can be used, red wine vinegar, olive oil, whole, spring onion, washed and finely shredded, salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

dust rub recipe, brown sugar, white sugar, smoke paprika (hot or sweet , your liking), sea salt, sazon seasoning, garlic powder, black pepper, ground ginger powder, onion powder, ground rosemary, chili powder, use pork spareribs or baby back ribs, you can use beef ribs , but they cook much faster and you will need to watch them and remove earlier-they are good too., olive oil

soy sauce, plum sauce (if you don tsp have on the shelf, try , asian), tomato paste, hoisin sauce, dry sherry, ginger, finely minced, garlic, minced, sesame oil, salt, pork back ribs, sugar (white or brown )

dried scallops or 2 tbsp dried shrimp, water , for soaking (soak in the fridge the morning of dinner), salt, black pepper or 1 pinch white pepper, if you have it, strong chicken broth (if using canned , college inn is recommended, but cut back on salt), sugar (this is my adaptation or addition), cornstarch, water, oil (i reduced amount to 1 tb), scallion, cut into 1-inch lengths, head iceberg lettuce

tinned jalapenos (you can cut back on the heat by seeding and devaining the chilies.), cayenne, fresh ground black pepper, chili powder, pinto beans , sorted,washed,soaked overnight, salt pork , cubed 1 x 1 x 1/4 inch, onions, chopped, garlic, minced

extra lean ground beef, garlic powder, kosher salt, back pepper, mushrooms (i recommend fresh, but you can use 2 small cans, drained), onion, minced (i use the dried minced kind because my daughters don tsp mind it), dried thyme, dry sherry or white wine, fat-free beef gravy