3077 uncle christmas fruitcake Recipes

fruitcake, finely chopped, dark rum (or to taste), vanilla ice cream, softened slightly, heavy cream, well chilled, candied fruit, for garnish if desired (optional)

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

chopped dried cherries, chopped dried mango, dried cranberries, dried currants, chopped candied citron, dark rum, butter, brown sugar, egg, all-purpose flour, baking soda, salt, ground cinnamon, unsulfured molasses, milk, chopped pecans, dark rum, divided

chopped dried cherries, chopped dried mango, dried cranberries, dried currants, chopped candied citron, dark rum, butter, brown sugar, egg, all-purpose flour, baking soda, salt, ground cinnamon, milk, unsulfured molasses, chopped pecans, dark rum, divided

fruitcake, pre-made, copha, melted, brandy or 1 tbsp orange juice or 1 tbsp cranberry juice, copha, melted, white chocolate, melted, red glazed cherries , for decoration purpose so anyting that is edible which are christmas colors (red or green)

fruitcake , store purchased. i prefer a dark fruit cake, brandy or 1/4 cup orange juice or 1/4 cup water, with some essence added, white chocolate, melted, red decorative candies , use red snakes lollies, green decorative candies , use green snake lollies

light brown sugar, fresh seedless raisin, fresh golden raisin , also known as sultanas, fresh plump currants, dried mixed fruit, peel preserved, pitted dates, chopped, lemon juice, lemon , zest of, only, grated, orange , zest of, only, grated, boiling water, butter , real, soft, in chunks, baking soda, vanilla, cinnamon, ground, allspice, ground, nutmeg, ground, baking powder, self-rising flour, salt, cooking oil , generous, brandy or 1/2 cup bourbon, preserved figs , in syrup, drained, roughly chopped, maraschino cherries or 1 cup glace cherries, whole, pecans, roughly chopped, brandy or 1/2 cup bourbon, extra

granulated sugar, water, lemons , zest of (strips, about 3 tbsp), lemons , juice of (about 1/4 cup), combination dried fruits (such as blueberries, cranberries, cherries, raisins, or apricots), butter, at room temperature, brown sugar, molasses or 1 cup honey, depending on how dark you want it, eggs, grand marnier or 1 cup other orange-flavored liqueur, flour, whole wheat flour, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, orange zest, lemon , zest of, almonds, pecan pieces, walnut pieces, bourbon

all-purpose flour, raisins, dried currants, chopped pistachios, chopped dried apricots, chopped dried figs, all-purpose flour, all-purpose flour (about 1 cup), baking soda, ground cinnamon, salt, ground nutmeg, butter, brown sugar, egg substitute, dark rum (such as myers s), divided, grated orange rind

red pineapple rings, in syrup, green pineapple rings, in syrup, whole pecans, blanched almond, whole red maraschino cherries, whole green maraschino cherries, golden seedless raisins, brandy, of your choice (5th u.s., do not buy expensive brandy ), all-purpose flour (divided ), butter, softened, eggs, beaten, whole milk , homogenized, baking soda, almond extract, granulated sugar, brown sugar (light or dark ), ground mace, ground cinnamon, apricot brandy , for basting

go to the crafts store., purchase 1 or more bags of dried fruit, some plaster of paris, brown paint and a disposable cake pan., go home ., unwrap the dried fruit , carefully folding the wrapper inside-out and placing it at the bottom of your trash can. better yet, send it through your personal paper shredder and use it for insulation in the attic., mix the plaster of paris with water and pour into the disposable cake pan. place dried fruit on top, gently pushing in so it looks baked in the batter. let dry., take your fruitcake out of the disposable cake pan ., cover the top, bottom and sides with brown paint, avoiding the fruit., wrap your fruitcake in festive , colored saran wrap and finish with a bow. i like using red wrap because it gives a warm glow to the fruitcake., give your fruitcake to someone you want to impress. when they lift it, they ll say, wow! you must have made a really rich fruitcake! don tsp forget to smile and say, oh, its paris-style fruitcake., worry about someone trying to eat your fruitcake. nobody actually eats fruitcake... that s just a rumor. just so you know, the dried fruit won go bad because it has the same preservatives as twinkies, which have a shelf-life of about 237 years.

fruitcake (from 1 large loaf see alternate presentations), coffee ice cream

fruitcake (about 1 1/4 lb), frozen blueberries, thawed, plain yogurt

uncle ben s natural whole grain brown rice, chicken breast halves (about 3 lb), onion, diced, red bell pepper, diced, chili, water, prepared salsa, frozen corn kernels, cilantro, chopped

christmas plum pudding, milk, double cream, vanilla ice cream, brandy

christmas honey fruit drops, mixed chopped candied fruits and peels , chopped candied cherries, raisins, and chopped pecans, bourbon, brown sugar, honey, butter or margarine, eggs, all purpose flour, baking soda, ground cinnamon, ground nutmeg, baking powder, dairy sour cream, combine fruits , nuts, and bourbon. cover, let stand several hours. in mixer bowl cream sugar, honey, and butter or margarine. beat in eggs. mix dry ingredients. add to creamed mixture alternately with sour cream. stir fruit mixture into creamed mixture. drop by tsp onto greased cookie sheet. bake in 350 degree oven for 10 to 12 minutes. cool on wire rack. frost, if desired. makes about 5 dozen cookies.

butter, light brown sugar, eggs, whole wheat flour, nutmeg, cinnamon, baking soda, baking powder, sour cream, unsweetened grape juice, cocoa , dissolved in, warm water, coffee, molasses, blackberry jam, oranges, peeled and cut up into small pieces, raisins, diced dates, chopped walnuts or 1 lb pecans, flour , to dredge fruit, sweet cream, flour, brown sugar, butter, diced fig, raisins

butter or 1 cup margarine, softened, granulated sugar, eggs, separated, all-purpose flour, divided, candied cherry, finely chopped, candied pineapple, finely chopped, white raisins, shelled pecans, finely chopped, ground cinnamon, ground nutmeg, salt, vanilla extract, baking soda , dissolved in a little water