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christmas with louise and14 Morechristmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house15 ingredients
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apple cider, frozen cranberry juice concentrate, thawed and5 Moreapple cider, frozen cranberry juice concentrate, thawed, juice from 1 lime, vanilla or rum extract or 3 shots rum or brandy, fresh ground ginger , nutmeg and cinnamon to taste(start with 1/4-1/2tsp each), heavy cream, honey to sweeten, if desired7 ingredients
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cooked , shredded chicken. i like to steam the chicken and8 Morecooked , shredded chicken. i like to steam the chicken, diced celery, sour cream, good-quality (start with less you can always add more) curry powder such as frontier organic, mayonnaise, again , a good quality, as much as you like, dijon mustard, lemon pepper, celery salt, fresh ground pepper20 min, 9 ingredients
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ground beef, ground pork, onion, minced and20 Moreground beef, ground pork, onion, minced, fresh minced garlic (or use 1-1/2 tsp garlic powder), chili sauce (or use 1/4 cup of each!) or 1/2 cup ketchup (or use 1/4 cup of each!), seasoned dry bread crumb (more if needed), milk, eggs, slightly beaten, worcestershire sauce (1 more tbsp won tsp hurt!), dried oregano, dried basil, seasoning salt (can use white salt), fresh ground black pepper (or to taste), ketchup, brown sugar (start with 2 tbsp and add in more to taste), butter, fresh sliced mushrooms, onion, chopped, dried thyme (rubbed between fingers to release the oils), fresh breadcrumbs, fresh parsley, salt (or to taste), fresh ground black pepper (to taste)1 hour 15 min, 23 ingredients
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heinz ketchup, honey, brown sugar, butter and12 Moreheinz ketchup, honey, brown sugar, butter, worcestershire sauce (start with 1/4 cup. add rest gradually stop when you reach your desired taste.), orange , zest of, diced onion, whole bay leaves, oregano, basil, garlic (minced ), ground mustard, salt, coarse black pepper, dried red chili pepper, louisiana hot sauce15 min, 16 ingredients
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precooked baby shrimp (i buy the frozen and just thaw it)... and4 Moreprecooked baby shrimp (i buy the frozen and just thaw it) or 1 (8 oz) bag baby shrimp (i buy the frozen and just thaw it), condensed tomato soup (do not add the water), spaghetti noodles (cooked and drained ), seafood cocktail sauce (start with just 1/2 a bottle and add more to your own taste), fresh grated parmesan cheese (optional) or 2 tbsp sliced black olives (optional)22 min, 5 ingredients
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ginger, green onion, slice in dice -size and5 Moreginger, green onion, slice in dice -size, chicken legs (or same quantity other dark chicken meat), coca-cola (or just enough to cover chicken in the pot), soy sauce (start with 100ml, add as much as you want later to meet your saltiness standard), garlic cloves, whole star anise or 1 tbsp chinese five spice powder30 min, 7 ingredients
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Curry-Lavender Hummusgarbanzo beans (or equivalent amount of freshly cooked be... and12 Moregarbanzo beans (or equivalent amount of freshly cooked beans saving *some* of the cooking liquid), garbanzo bean cooking liquid (you made need more), tahini (we used roasted ), lemon , juice of, extra virgin olive oil, dried lavender blossoms (start with 1/4 tsp then add more to taste), curry powder (whichever level of hotness you desire), salt , to taste, garlic clove, peeled and cut into fourths, olive oil, fresh cilantro or fresh parsley, curry powder, dried lavender or fresh sprig lavender10 min, 13 ingredients
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Shygirl's Grape Saladseedless grapes , sweet variety and5 Moreseedless grapes , sweet variety, sweetened condensed milk (start with half can or to taste), whipping cream or 1 -2 cup half-and-half, ground cinnamon (or more ), nutmeg, walnuts, crushed45 min, 6 ingredients
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False Start Poppersmolasses, jalapenos, shredded mozzarella and10 Moremolasses, jalapenos, shredded mozzarella, cream cheese, room temperature, ricotta, chopped shallots, diced cooked bacon, prosciutto, granulated sugar, cabernet sauvignon (recommended : guardian cellars), cranberries, tangerine , zested, whole cinnamon stick55 min, 13 ingredients
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Jamaican Meat Pattiesall purpose flour, jamaican curry powder, salt and16 Moreall purpose flour, jamaican curry powder, salt, baking powder, shortening or butter, cold, ice water or more if necessary, olive oil, onion- finely chopped, garlic cloves-finely chopped, lean ground beef. if using regular hamburger-fry up halfway-drain fat before adding onions and garlic., jamaican curry powder, salt, black pepper, bread crumbs (start with 1/4 cup and add more if necessary), chicken stock or water, green onions, scotch bonnet peppers (or habanero), fresh thyme leaves30 min, 20 ingredients
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Pollys Pesto Potatoespotato for each person that you''re serving and3 Morepotato for each person that you re serving, a good amount to start with is 4 large potatoes, washed and scrubbed), cut into 1 or 2 inch pieces, very roughly chopped., up to up to 1/2 cup pesto-homemade or the brand of your choice., tasty additions: marinated artichoke hearts , roasted garlic cloves, mozzarella cheese cubes, mild italian sausage slices.1 hour , 4 ingredients
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Leftover Rice Puddingcooked white rice, butter, milk, granulated sugar and3 Morecooked white rice, butter, milk, granulated sugar, cinnamon, to taste (start with 1/2 tsp and go from there), vanilla, raisins (optional)25 min, 7 ingredients
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Flygirl's Tortilla Pielow fat refried beans, shredded mozzarella cheese and3 Morelow fat refried beans, shredded mozzarella cheese, tortillas (9 inches), warm water, jalapeno puree (start with this and add more as needed)19 min, 5 ingredients
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Hungarian Goulash Souplean stew meat, onion, sliced and7 Morelean stew meat, onion, sliced, potatoes , cut in a large dice, thick-cut carrot (optional), paprika, cayenne pepper (start with 1/4 tsp if you don tsp like much heat.), salt, bay leaf, water12 min, 9 ingredients
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