263 mouths Recipes

vanilla wafers, unsalted butter, watermelon juice, lemon zest, fresh lemon juice, sugar, milk, unflavored gelatin, sugar, cream, for garnish

lean ground turkey, italian breadcrumbs, chopped fresh basil, chopped sun-dried tomatoes (, softened ), chianti wine (or other red wine), shredded parmesan cheese, garlic, minced, salt, fresh ground black pepper, barbecue sauce, whole wheat hamburger buns, toasted

eggs, white sugar, orange juice, cocoa powder, matzo cake meal, frozen strawberries, thawed, semisweet chocolate chips

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

m ashamed to admit it but i am a lemon bar snob. i m not proud of it. well, maybe the word snob is a bit harsh. let s just say that i have very strong preferences when it comes to lemon bars., i prefer a delicate, buttery crust with a slight snap to it. and the crust should never be more than half the overall height of the lemon bar. i don tsp want to chew endlessly on an overly thick and, inevitably, tough crust. or even worse, mash my way through the gummy mess of an underdone crust., i prefer a dominant lemon flavor untainted by the milkiness of cream , evaporated or condensed milk. it should be just tart enough to make my mouth pucker a teeny bit. don tsp get me wrong. a creamy lemon confection has its place in my dessert kingdom, but not in the form of lemon bars. sorry, milk, but tart is king., i prefer my lemon filling to be smooth and soft, but not runny. when the filling hits my tongue it should be luscious. overcooking the filling will turn the lemon bar into a sponge. no 1 wants to eat a lemon flavored sponge, least of all me., i prefer my lemon bars dusted with confectioners sugar. but not so heavily dusted that exhaling will shower the table (or your neighbor) with sugar., finally, i prefer to eat my lemon bars with a fork. that s not snobbish, is it

distilled white vinegar, white grape juice, fresh dill sprigs, dried red chilies, halved, whole star anise, lemon peel, bay leaves, whole coriander seeds, honey, salt, white and/or purple pearl onions (about 7 oz), baby carrots (about 7 oz), cauliflower florets, baby yellow pattypan squash (about 8 oz, halved ), thick slices from 1 large unpeeled cucumber, stemmed seedless green grapes, wide-mouth jars, red bell pepper, stemmed, seeded , cut into 1-inch pieces, firm cherry tomatoes (about 8 oz), stemmed, whole star anise, bay leaves, fresh dill sprigs, garlic cloves, thinly sliced, red or green jalapeno or serrano chilies with stems, halved lengthwise

butter, powdered sugar, vanilla, flour, cornstarch, powdered sugar, melted butter, vanilla, milk

salt, sugar, smoked hot paprika, ground cumin, garlic powder, onion powder, warmed kc masterpiece honey smoke barbecue sauce, warmed honey, white rum, onion powder, dried chipotle powder, smoked hot paprika, chopped fresh cilantro ((this really adds a depth of flavor to the sauce), pork ribs

whole wheat flour (atta), salt, water , to knead, ghee or oil, to shallow fry (use for authenticity), fresh carrots, peeled and grated, cheddar cheese, grated, salt, pepper, red chili powder, fresh mint leaves, finely chopped, fresh coriander leaves, finely chopped

melba toast, crushed, onion powder, garlic powder, thyme, dried rosemary, sea salt, pepper, chicken breasts, low sodium chicken broth, fresh lemon juice

eggs, caster sugar, reduced-fat milk, bread, maple syrup, to serve, low-fat ricotta cheese, nectarines, sliced, sugar, vanilla extract

butter, forequarter mutton chops, salt, pepper, onion (chopped ), garlic clove (crushed ), sour cream, vinegar or 1 tbsp lemon juice, field mushrooms (sliced ), chopped fresh parsley

cookies, butter flavored shortening, white sugar, eggs, milk, vanilla extract, all purpose flour, baking powder, salt, butter, vanilla extract, sugar, milk

cakes, cooled, cardboard cake rounds, recipe chocolate ganache, recipe vanilla buttercream , colored red, black licorice rounds, coin size (for the spots), white wafer candies (for the eyes), candy coated chocolate pieces (for the eyes), red licorice whip (for the mouth and antennae)

egg whites, salt, cream of tartar, granulated sugar, parchment paper, finest semisweet chocolate, bittersweet chocolate, cream, cream, sugar, strawberries, washed, hulled, sliced, reserve on perfect strawberry for the top of the dish as garnish

turkey drumsticks, skinned, chicken broth (add water if you don tsp have enough broth to cover drumsticks), chopped onion, garlic, minced, mushrooms, sliced, olive oil, thyme, nutmeg, chicken broth, mushrooms, sliced, flour, fideos noodles

fresh green pear (makes 2 heads and noses), raisins (eyes), chocolate chips (1 for wart), red apple (mouth), canned chocolate frosting, ice cream , cone (hat), soft chocolate cookies , we used an archway dutch cocoa cookie (hat), carrot , and grater (hair)

dressed, oven ready suckling pig (see note ), orange juice, fresh lime juice, fresh grapefruit juice, coarse sea salt, freshly ground black pepper, grapefruit, quartered, oranges, halved, limes, halved, onion, quartered, head garlic, halved, bay leaf, fresh thyme, watercress , tough stems removed, for garnish, curlyleafed parsley , tough stems removed, for garnish, blood oranges, peel and pith removed with a sharp knife, lemon , lime, or apple for the mouth