90 house and the the Recipes

butter, granny smith apples (peeled, cored, and sliced thin), cinnamon, flour, milk, pure vanilla extract, eggs, dark brown sugar, granulated sugar

raisins, currants, sultanas, prunes, pitted and chopped, citrus peels, finely chopped, sliced almonds, freshly grated nutmeg, ground mixed spice, ground cinnamon, ground almonds, salt, fresh breadcrumbs or 12 oz cake crumbs, soft brown sugar, butter, softened, eggs, beaten, brandy or 4 tbsp rum, stout beer , such as guinness

chicken breasts or 1 1/2 lbs chicken tenders, cut into chunks, unbleached all-purpose flour, coarse salt, wok oil (preferred brand house of tsang) or 2 tbsp vegetable oil, 2 turns of the pan (preferred brand house of tsang), white vinegar (a splash) or 1 tbsp rice wine vinegar (a splash), chicken broth or 1/2 cup stock, prepared lemon curd (1 cup), water, lemon , zest of, scallions, thinly sliced or 20 stalks fresh chives, finely chopped

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

tofu shirataki noodles , house foods spaghetti shape, the normal sized package, reduced-fat peanut butter, room temperature (i use the better n peanut butter spread), reduced-fat peanut butter, room temperature (i use the better n peanut butter spread), light soymilk, light soy sauce (i used 1 tsp of the the low sodium kind), sesame seeds, garlic, minced, artificial sweetener (i used 1 splenda packet), scallions, chopped, salt (optional)

applewood smoked bacon, parmesan cheese, ramano cheese, white bread crust removed, table spoons unsalted butter, olive oil, mac & cheese, parmesan cheese, ramano cheese, gruyere (gru-jer) cheese - finely shreded or grated, sharp cheddar - finely shreded or grated, little over 1/2 cup) fontina cheese - finely shreded or grated, shallots - minced, head of garlic, cavatappi or reg mac noodles, all purpose flour, whole milk, unsalted butter, salt, pepper, nutmeg, olive oil

soft butter (about 200g) or 1 cup margarine (about 200g), self rising flour, nonfat sour cream or 8 oz yogurt, chopped green onion, butter, crumbled feta or 1/2 lb bulgarian cheese, grated romano cheese, grated edam cheese (any other cheese you have inn the house) or 1/2 cup another hard cheese (any other cheese you have inn the house), fat free cream cheese, fat free sour cream, eggs, milk or 1/2 cup half-and-half or 1/2 cup heavy cream, salt (optional), black pepper, parmesan cheese, sesame seeds, black pepper

there was a woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. as she was getting her things in serving, she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. she told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in. the woman also requested to be buried with her favourite bible., everything was in serving and the pastor was preparing to leave when the woman suddenly remembered something very important to her., more thing , she said excitedly. what s that came the pastor s reply. this is very important, the woman continued.. i want to be buried with a fork in my right hand. the pastor stood looking at the woman, not knowing quite what to say.. that surprises you, doesn tsp it the woman asked. well, to be honest, i m puzzled by the request, said the pastor., woman explained. in all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, i always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, keep your fork. it was my favorite part because i knew that something better was coming..like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. something wonderful, and with substance! so, i just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and i want them to wonder what s with the fork then i want you to tell them: keep your fork..the best is yet to come, eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the woman good-bye. he knew this would be 1 of the last times he would see her before her death. but he also knew that the woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did. she knew that something better was coming. at the funeral people were walking by the woman s casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing and her favorite bible and the fork placed in her right hand. over and over the pastor heard the question what s with the fork and over and over he smiled., during his message , the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the woman shortly before she died. he also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her. the pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either., he was right ., next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you oh so gently, that the best is yet to come..

garlic cloves, crushed, sugar, dry mustard, salt, sour cream, red wine vinegar, oil, chopped parsley, fresh coarse ground black pepper

black beans, water (for cooking ), bacon, cut in small pieces, stalks celery, chopped, onions, chopped, beef bones, smoked ham , shank with rind split, carrots, chopped, italian parsley, bay leaves, garlic cloves, cut in half, parsnips, chopped, pepper, madeira wine, hard-boiled eggs, chopped fine

head iceberg lettuce, head romaine lettuce, artichoke hearts, sliced red onions, olive oil, regina wine vinegar, salt, black pepper, freshly grated parmigiano cheese

cream cheese, softened, milk, flaked lobster or crabmeat, chopped onion, horseradish, salt, pepper, paprika, sliced almonds

fast rising yeast, warm water, milk, room temperature, sugar, lard or 1/4 cup shortening, salt, flour , as needed

vanilla wafers, crushed, blanched almond, ground, almond extract, butter, melted, eggs, separated, sweetened condensed milk, frozen lemonade, thawed, lemon , zest of, only, grated, heavy cream , whipped

salmon fillets, hazelnuts, finely chopped, butter, water, shallot, chopped, frangelico or 1/2 cup hazelnut-flavored liqueur, heavy cream, salt, white pepper

risotto with sausage and cranberry beans, make risotto , you absolutely must use a specific type of rice called arborio rice (carnaroli and vialone nano are also used, some say superior, but are more difficult to find). these types of rice release starch when stirred in a liquid; it is this process which makes risotto, otherwise you just have a starchy mess of mush. these types of rice are identified by their fat round grains and pearly appearance. they can be used to make other sorts of rice dishes, such as pilaf, but other types of rice cannot be used for risotto. arborio is no longer that much of a specialty product; it can be found in most large, well-stocked grocery stores in the italian section. or sometimes, misguidedly, in the asian section., okay , so now we have the rice. you will also need some good, low-salt stock or broth - it should be low-salt not for health reasons, but because a good deal of it will evaporate, leaving its salt behind, and i like to have more control over the salt in a dish. it can be homemade, but i m not going to be a snob about it because, in truth, we go through gallons of store-bought stock in this household and i don tsp see that changing anytime soon. furthermore, risotto is actually a dish which can be whipped up out of thin air when it seems as though you have nothing to eat, as long as you have butter, rice, stock, maybe a few herbs, and some leftover parmesan. i like the kind of stock purchased in tetrapak cartons, because they are resealable and can be put in the fridge and used as needed. if you really want to use homemade but you don tsp have time to make stock or don tsp like the aroma of roasting bones in your house (i don tsp blame you), you can buy really great stock at north market poultry and game - it is expensive, but can be diluted with a 2- or 3-to-1 ratio of water to stock, so it stretches. my general guideline is to plan on 1/4 cup dry rice per person, and about 4 cups of stock to 1 cup of rice. of course, this isn tsp exact and will vary depending on your elevation and the phases of the moon, but it s a good place to start. i usually just use 4 cups of stock and then dilute with water or wine (or sometimes beer, if that s all i have) if i feel i m going to run out., well, we have rice and stock covered, now we just need our setup: place the stock in a saucepan on your rear burner, bring to a simmer, and leave it there with a 6-8 oz ladle in, and place a large, wide saute pan (must be really large, plan that your rice will at least quadruple in size) or dutch oven on the burner in front. get out your favorite wooden spoon and flex your stirring arm., nice thing about using sausage is it s so full of flavor you can leave out the usual onion/garlic/shallot/celery nonsense if you re tired and don tsp feel like chopping. furthermore, sausage goes from the freezer to the pan without suffering too much. okay, let s go, risotto with sausage and cranberry beans - serves 4, links italian sausage , or 1 lb bulk (or hot, or a combination - definitely with some fennel), casings removed, cooked cranberry beans or 1 can white beans, drained, arborio rice, beef , chicken or vegetable stock, butter, freshly, finely grated parmesan cheese , plus more for garnish, an oz) flat-leaf parsley, chopped finely, lemon juice , or juice from 1/2 lemon, salt and black pepper to taste, red pepper flakes to taste, optional, good balsamic vinegar , optional

coleslaw mix, bacon , oscar mayer, crisply cooked, drained and crumbled (for the ranch style) or 1/4 cup peanuts, planters cocktail peanuts, chopped (for the asian style) or 1 small red pepper, cut into short thin strips (for the italian style), ranch dressing , kraft (for the ranch style) or 1/2 cup sesame dressing, kraft asian toasted sesame dressing (for the asian style) or 1/2 cup italian dressing, kraft tuscan house italian dressing (for the italian style)

ripe field tomatoes (i like the ones on the vine), chopped herbs , basil, parsley and oregano, grated fresh parmesan cheese, garlic cloves, finely chopped, olive oil, club house pepper medley pepper (or salt and pepper to taste)