292 hey they Recipes

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

parsnips, peeled and cut in sticks, equal amount of carrots, peeled and cut in sticks, butter (hey, paula), light brown sugar, nutmeg, grated orange rind, couple grinds of fresh black pepper, chicken stock, some fresh chopped parsley for garnish

all-purpose flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, butter, softened, brown sugar, white sugar, eggs, vanilla extract, chocolate chips

all-purpose flour, unsweetened cocoa powder, white sugar, salt, vegetable oil, vanilla extract, pureed prunes baby food, eggs

olive oil for brushing, boneless, skinless chicken-breast halves (if they weigh more than 6 oz, halve and reduce cooking time by 5 minutes), salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste, mayonnaise, store-bought or homemade whole-wheat bread crumbs

liquid vegetable stock, red lentils , thoroughly washed and drained, garlic cloves, minced, onions, diced, red capsicums, diced, carrots, diced, celery, diced, spinach, chopped, tomatoes, diced, leek, chopped, mushrooms, chopped, green beans, chopped, fresh parsley, chopped, fresh oregano, chopped, fresh basil, chopped, fresh ground pepper, tomato paste, salt , to taste, shaved parmesan cheese, prosciutto , if wanted

simply potatoes traditional mashed potatoes, soft fresh goat cheese, cubed (chevre), cream cheese, cubed, butter, cubed, bacon, cooked and crumbled, red bell pepper, diced, green bell pepper, diced, green onions, thinly sliced (if they are large use 2 1/2), salt (to taste), pepper, cheddar cheese, shredded, divided, parmesan cheese, grated, divided (not the canned type )

very ripe plantains (when the skin is yellow with spots of black they re perfect)

flour, cornmeal, baking powder, sugar, salt, whole milk (i ve used low fat, and even skim milk and they work fine, but the best is the !), shortening, egg, butter, softened, honey

carrot , scrubbed and sliced, apricot jam, butter, lemon juice, grated orange zest, nutmeg

zucchini, basil, green onion, chopped, cheddar cheese, shredded, bacon, parmesan cheese, grated, salt and pepper

boiled edamame, shells removed, frozen chopped spinach (1 small package), garbanzo beans, drained, garlic cloves (this can be very strong, if you have an aversion to strong taste, reduce the !), tahini, olive oil (i usually add the amount i need to get the consistency right), sea salt (about), red pepper flakes (i love these(but they make the hummus very hot) (optional)

butter, eggs, cheddar cheese (i use kraft singles for this they melt the best!), white bread, toasted, salt and pepper, mayonnaise, ketchup

yellow cake mix, eggs, oil, mandarin oranges , with juice (i coarsely chop, but they may be left whole), coarsley chopped pecans, cool whip, thawed, instant vanilla pudding, crushed pineapple, drained well

all-purpose flour, sugar, egg, beaten, milk, salt, bananas (the firmer they are, the better), peanut oil (for frying )

margarine, brown sugar, vanilla, eggs, flour, baking powder, chocolate chip

pie crusts, baked and cooled (or 10-inch tart crust), unflavored gelatin (knox is a good way to go), drambuie (1 airline bottle), canned pumpkin (not pumpkin pie filling, but actual ), heavy cream (hey, it s the holidays... use the !), sugar, egg yolks, lightly beaten, cinnamon, ground ginger, nutmeg, freshly ground, allspice, salt, egg whites, sugar, cream of tartar