173 the thing Recipes

fresh lemon juice, red chili, sliced thin (such as red thai), extra virgin olive oil, salt & freshly ground black pepper, napa cabbage, shredded (1/2 head ), green onions , sliced thing, fresh cilantro, chopped

elbow macaroni, butter, hot dogs, sliced, tomato sauce, milk, process cheese food (such as velveeta), cut into small cubes

jello, (i had black cherry , but any flavor would do), water, lg can evaporated milk - chilled

ice cubes, vodka, orange liqueur, fresh orange juice, garnish: orange slice

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

chocolate syrup (if chocolates not your thing, just add less), sugar-free vanilla syrup (i use torani sugar free vanilla), ice cubes (like an 8oz glass full of ice, roughly), milk (like an 8oz glass full, basically)

eggs, beaten (or egg substitute equivalent), flour, salt, melted butter, cottage cheese (fat-free is fine), grated cheddar cheese (2% milk is ok), chopped chile (optional but adds a nice bit of interest )

unsalted butter or 1/2 cup unsalted margarine, graham cracker crumbs, flaked coconut, toasted, semi-sweet chocolate chips, sweetened condensed milk, chopped pecans, garnish (optional)

flour, rolled oats, brown sugar, eggs, vanilla, flax seed meal, pears, apple, peeled

day, by lillian burns hudson, how i remember saturdays, in the days long gone by, when mother in the kitchen, was baking bread and pie., how anxiously i waited, then mother took a mixing bowl, began the chocolate cake ., she beat the eggs and sugar well, other things, then with a big spoon stirred it, till the batter stood in rings., batter looked delicious, as she placed it in the pan, then set the bowlon the table . . ., when our fun began ., i remember as though twere yesterday, how my mother , gentle soul, would smile and look at me and say, now you can lick the bowl., quick chocolate cake, in a large bowl place the following ingredients, sugar, egg, milk, cocoa, butter, flour sifted with, salt, baking powder, soda

chocolate chips, butterscotch chips, peanuts, chowmein noodles

frozen strawberries (just plain- not in syrup!), light vanilla soymilk, coffee-mate powdered french vanilla fat free non-dairy coffee creamer, davinchi sugar-free strawberry syrup, splenda sugar substitute, ice cubes, fat free reddi-wip topping , canned whipped cream

ground beef, taco seasoning mix, water, cream cheese, sour cream, salsa, shredded cheese , of your choice

butter (unwrap first), light brown sugar (the whole thing), salt (enough to fill a 3/4 inch box end wrench), eggs , uncooked but open (remove shell), vanilla (enough to fill a 1/2 inch deep socket, hold finger over hole in bottom), flour or 2 cups a tall beer, crushed butterfinger bar, any size but bigger is better (crush lightly with a clean hammer)

red potatoes, peeled, boiled and mashed, sour cream (1 container), french onion soup (lipton s), butter, milk, cheddar cheese, grated, bacon, chopped

boneless turkey breast, yellow hominy, black beans, diced tomatoes, water, onion, cut up, gravy , packet from the turkey (or whatever seasonings you like), brown rice, water

butter, caramels , unwrapped, evaporated milk, butter, your favorite things (granola, or non-flake cereals, toasted nuts, dried cherries, apricots, raisins, sesame or other seeds, chocolate chips, etc.)