59920 frozen christmas fruitcake Recipes

fruitcake, finely chopped, dark rum (or to taste), vanilla ice cream, softened slightly, heavy cream, well chilled, candied fruit, for garnish if desired (optional)

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

frozen apple juice concentrate, thawed and undiluted, frozen cranberry juice concentrate, , thawed and undiluted, dry red wine, water, sugar, cinnamon sticks (3 inches each), cheesecloth, orange slice

frozen unsweetened strawberries, thawed or 2-1/2 quarts fresh strawberries, hulled, fresh or frozen cranberries, sugar, liquid fruit pectin

frozen hash brown potatoes (diced ), bacon, diced cooked and drained or 1 lb cooked ham, cubed, onion, diced, green bell pepper, diced, cheddar cheese, shredded, eggs, milk, salt, pepper (more or less to taste)

frozen dinner rolls, butterscotch pudding mix (not instant ), butter, brown sugar, cinnamon, chopped nuts

frozen yeast dinner roll dough (around 24, depending on size. i buy 1 package of cloverleaf rolls), brown sugar, butterscotch pudding (not instant ), cinnamon, chopped pecans, melted butter or 1/2 cup margarine

frozen bread dough, thawed, black icing or frosting, egg, lightly beaten, ranch dip or spinach dip, assorted fresh vegetable, cracker

sour cream, cool whip topping, thawed, sugar, lemon juice, vanilla extract, crushed pineapple, drained, bananas, diced, candied red cherries, chopped, green glazed cherries, chopped, walnuts or 1/2 cup pecans, chopped

go to the crafts store., purchase 1 or more bags of dried fruit, some plaster of paris, brown paint and a disposable cake pan., go home ., unwrap the dried fruit , carefully folding the wrapper inside-out and placing it at the bottom of your trash can. better yet, send it through your personal paper shredder and use it for insulation in the attic., mix the plaster of paris with water and pour into the disposable cake pan. place dried fruit on top, gently pushing in so it looks baked in the batter. let dry., take your fruitcake out of the disposable cake pan ., cover the top, bottom and sides with brown paint, avoiding the fruit., wrap your fruitcake in festive , colored saran wrap and finish with a bow. i like using red wrap because it gives a warm glow to the fruitcake., give your fruitcake to someone you want to impress. when they lift it, they ll say, wow! you must have made a really rich fruitcake! don tsp forget to smile and say, oh, its paris-style fruitcake., worry about someone trying to eat your fruitcake. nobody actually eats fruitcake... that s just a rumor. just so you know, the dried fruit won go bad because it has the same preservatives as twinkies, which have a shelf-life of about 237 years.

fruitcake (about 1 1/4 lb), frozen blueberries, thawed, plain yogurt

fruitcake (from 1 large loaf see alternate presentations), coffee ice cream

frozen pie crust, pork sausage, browned and drained, southern-style frozen hash-brown potatoes, thawed, sliced green onion, chopped red and green bell pepper, shredded sharp cheddar cheese, eggs, milk, seasoned salt, coarsely ground pepper

frozen pitted dark sweet cherries, thawed and coarsely chopped, unsweetened crushed pineapple, drained, frozen unsweetened raspberries, thawed, sugar, lemon juice, orange juice, ground cinnamon, butter, liquid fruit pectin

frozen hash browns, thawed, shredded monterey jack cheese, diced cooked ham (or more for a main dish meal), eggs, milk, dry mustard (we use more than this), salt

frozen dinner rolls, brown sugar, vanilla instant pudding mix, ground cinnamon, butter, melted

frozen corn, thawed, tb olive oil, thick-cut bacon; cut into small pieces, diced yellow onion, tb minced garlic, chicken broth, heavy whipping cream, tb butter

frozen cloverleaf rolls, sm package butterscotch pudding regular, not instant, brown sugar, cinnamon , liberal amount, pecans chopped, butter melted