3215 chef lyle christmas morning Recipes

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

morning glory muffins, prep time, mincook time, minready, muffins, all-purpose flour 1/2 cup whole wheat flour 1 1/4 cups white sugar 1 tbsp ground cinnamon 2 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp baking soda 1/2 tsp salt 2 cups grated carrots 1 apple - peeled, cored , and chopped 1 cup raisins 1 egg 2 egg whites 1/2 cup apple butter 1/4 cup vegetable oil 1 tbsp vanilla extract 2 tbsp chopped walnuts 2 tbsp toasted wheat germ

chef boyardee beefaroni, fire roasted diced tomatoes, drained, tomato sauce-no salt added, reduced sodium dark red kidney beans, drained, rinsed, rosarita premium whole pinto beans, drained, rinsed, gebhardt chili powder, ground cumin

pam original no-stick cooking spray, chef boyardee beefaroni, diced tomatoes, drained, tomato ketchup, chopped dill pickles, prepared yellow mustard, shredded reduced fat cheddar cheese, hamburger bun with sesame seeds, torn into small pieces

christmas pudding, brandy, melted dark cooking chocolate, melted white chocolate

ground beef round, ground pork, italian sausage, onions, chopped, garlic cloves, pressed, carrots, stalks celery, capers, rinsed and drained, roma tomatoes, diced, fresh portabella mushrooms , coarsley chopped, whole canned tomatoes, olive oil, hunts tomato paste, water, dry red wine, parmesan cheese, kosher salt, leaves fresh basil chiffonade , . (to chiffonade smaller leaves, such as basil, they can be stacked, then rolled and sliced across the ) or 1 tbsp dried basil, fresh oregano, fresh ground black pepper, sherry wine vinegar, sugar, red pepper flakes

brown sugar, ground cinnamon, ground nutmeg, granny smith apples - peeled, cored, and sliced 1/4 inch thick, dried cranberries, butter , cut into pieces, rolled oats, water, apple juice, cranberry juice, salt, candied walnuts (optional)

bread, crusts removed - divided, canadian bacon, sharp cheddar cheese, eggs, salt, ground black pepper, dry mustard, minced onion, diced green bell pepper, diced red bell pepper, worcestershire sauce, hot sauce, whole milk, butter, melted, crushed corn flakes cereal

italian bread (sliced ), genoa salami, pepperoni, prosciutto di parma or 1/3 lb pancetta (combined) or 1/3 lb cubed ham (combined), parmesan cheese, romano cheese, asiago cheese (combined), butter (softened ), eggs, milk, dry mustard, salt (adjust by half if prosciutto or pancetta are used)

morning steaks, onion, button mushrooms, tomatoes, green pepper, head garlic (need to roast until soft), submarine sandwich bread (of any kind), swiss cheese (or your fav.), cooking oil

chef boyardee pizza, pizza cheese, onion sliced, turkey pepperoni, fresh veggies or toppings

christmas plum pudding, milk, double cream, vanilla ice cream, brandy

christmas honey fruit drops, mixed chopped candied fruits and peels , chopped candied cherries, raisins, and chopped pecans, bourbon, brown sugar, honey, butter or margarine, eggs, all purpose flour, baking soda, ground cinnamon, ground nutmeg, baking powder, dairy sour cream, combine fruits , nuts, and bourbon. cover, let stand several hours. in mixer bowl cream sugar, honey, and butter or margarine. beat in eggs. mix dry ingredients. add to creamed mixture alternately with sour cream. stir fruit mixture into creamed mixture. drop by tsp onto greased cookie sheet. bake in 350 degree oven for 10 to 12 minutes. cool on wire rack. frost, if desired. makes about 5 dozen cookies.

pork loin roast, lump crabmeat, shiitake mushrooms, diced onion, garlic cloves, fresh rosemary, fresh thyme, chicken stock, unsalted butter, bread cubes, kosher salt (to taste), fresh cracked pepper, dry steak seasoning, white wine, butter, all-purpose flour, pork stock

red raspberries (fresh or frozen , if you use frozen be sure they are thawed), extra virgin olive oil or 3/4 cup salad oil, lemon juice, dekuypers raspberry liqueur, garlic cloves, minced, dry mustard (optional), honey, salt, raspberry vinegar or 1/4 cup red wine vinegar, white pepper, superfine sugar, lettuce leaves, radicchio, red leaf lettuce, romaine lettuce, mandarin orange sections, red onion (sliced ), tomatoes

raspberry iced tea, cabernet sauvignon wine, brandy, grand marnier, orange juice, cranberry juice, pineapple juice, orange, lemon, lime, granny smith apple, ginger ale, rainbow sherbet

white chocolate, instant coffee, heavy whipping cream, divided, vanilla extract , i use dr. watkins 2x, saigon cinnamon, semisweet chocolate morsels, shortening, sugar, chocolate curls (to garnish ) (optional)

apricot puree, rock cornish game hens, red wine vinegar, dijon mustard, honey, garlic cloves, chopped, fresh rosemary, chopped, salt, pepper, grain and wild rice blend, shiitake mushrooms, fresh apricots, superfine sugar, fresh lemon juice, strained, pineapple juice