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pie crusts (i used #137952), gimmie lean sausage flavor (i actually used double that, 1/2 of a package.. which is 7 oz, for anyone who is going to use meat.), milk or 2 cups soy (i used fat-free, and it still tasted great...) or 2 cups rice (i used fat-free, and it still tasted great...), whole eggs (i actually used 5 egg whites, & 1 whole egg..) or 3 whole egg substitute (i actually used 5 egg whites, & 1 whole egg..), chopped onion (i omitted this because of my lack of onions..), cheddar cheese (i used like 1/2 cup sharp 2% ) or 1/4 cup soy cheese (i used like 1/2 cup sharp 2% ), freshly grated nutmeg (use lots, it tastes good ( ), salt & pepper

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

red potatoes , cooked in salted water until tender but not mushy (skins on), green beans, trimmed , blanched in boiling water until bright green but still crispy, tomatoes, purple onion, sliced thinly, olives (no pits), hard boiled eggs, quartered, white tuna , packed in oil, anchovy fillets (optional), dressing, dijon mustard, red wine vinegar, olive oil, sugar, salt, pepper, chopped flat leaf parsley

fresh eggs , depending on size., olive oil or butter, to coat skillet., stalk celery , remove strings and slice thin., broccoli florets, cut to small chunks , depending on size., onion, chopped ., garlic, diced fine ., basil ., butter ., tomato, small cubed, pitted and chopped kalamata olives (use basic ripe olives if you must)., fresh or dried & soaked mushrooms, chopped ., red bell pepper, chopped ., hot chilies, seeded and chopped (optional), smoked bacon, chopped ., canned escargot (depending on size and your taste), well drained., dry white wine ., corn meal ., grated swiss cheese. you can use other cheese but swiss is best ., salt & fresh ground pepper to taste.

mayonnaise, onions, finely diced, fresh garlic, chopped, fresh flat-leaf parsley, chopped, sour cream, fresh lemon juice, vinegar, blue cheese, salt, pepper

cold water, similac advance powdered infant formula , or measured amount of your formula to make 12 oz. (differs with brand, read the label), whole fresh banana, rinsed,peeled,and broken into pieces, banana, mashed and frozen in an ice cube tray, blackstrap molasses (optional)

brisket, barbecue rub, bbq sauce, your favorite, recipes for this program , which were provided by contributors and guests who may not be professional chefs, have not been tested in the food network s kitchens. therefore, the food network cannot attest to the accuracy of any of the recipes.

all-purpose flour, baking soda, salt, water, ghee, vegetable oil, unsalted butter, recipes for this program , which were provided by contributors and guests who may not be professional chefs, have not been tested in the food network s kitchens. therefore, the food network cannot attest to the accuracy of any of the recipes.

canola oil, garlic, curry powder, water, coconut cream, stems green onions, chopped, onion, chopped, tomatoes, chopped, habenero pepper, thinly sliced, chopped shadow-benny (asian ngo gai ) or cilantro substituted, chopped small clams (chip chip), salt and pepper, recipes for this program , which were provided by contributors and guests who may not be professional chefs, have not been tested in the food network s kitchens. therefore, the food network cannot attest to the accuracy of any of the recipes.

vegetable oil, garlic about 1 tbsp minced, chopped onions, head cabbage, chopped, green beans, stalk celery, finely chopped, carrots, cooked, drained ground beef, chicken bouillon, salt, oyster sauce, dark soy sauce, brown sugar, cornstarch, black pepper, chopped bean thread noodles, cut to 1 to 2 inches in length, egg, slightly beaten, egg roll wrappers, cooked shrimp, chopped , optional, recipes for this program , which were provided by contributors and guests who may not be professional chefs, have not been tested in the food network s kitchens. therefore, the food network cannot attest to the accuracy of any of the recipes.

store bought puff pastry sheets , if frozen thaw in refrigerator, soft butter, ground blanched almonds, flour, eggs, sugar, almond extract, salt, powdered sugar , for dusting, egg yolk mixed with 1 tbsp water, recipes for this program , which were provided by contributors and guests who may not be professional chefs, have not been tested in the food network s kitchens. therefore, the food network cannot attest to the accuracy of any of the recipes.

yeast, warm whole milk, sugar plus 1 cup, sweet butter, plus more melted, eggs, salt, flour, cinnamon sugar, ground nuts, bitter chocolate, sugar, pre-made golden dumpling coffee cake dough, egg beaten , for egg wash, recipes for this program , which were provided by contributors and guests who may not be professional chefs, have not been tested in the food network s kitchens. therefore, the food network cannot attest to the accuracy of any of the recipes.

sugar, paprika, chili seasoning, cayenne pepper, salt, black pepper, garlic powder, rack baby back ribs, barbecue rub, apple juice in a spritzer, bbq sauce, your favorite, recipes for this program , which were provided by contributors and guests who may not be professional chefs, have not been tested in the food network s kitchens. therefore, the food network cannot attest to the accuracy of any of the recipes.

head iceburg lettuce, fresh spinach, green onions, chopped, peas, washed and drained, bacon bits, hard cooked eggs, chopped, grated cheddar cheese, parmesan cheese, sour cream, sugar, mayonnaise, recipes for this program , which were provided by contributors and guests who may not be professional chefs, have not been tested in the food network s kitchens. therefore, the food network cannot attest to the accuracy of any of the recipes.

ham, bone in, orange marmalade, coca cola classic, self-rising flour (summer wheat flour is best), vegetable shortening, milk, recipes for this program , which were provided by contributors and guests who may not be professional chefs, have not been tested in the food network s kitchens. therefore, the food network cannot attest to the accuracy of any of the recipes.

ground beef, ground pork , or substitute ground bulk sausage and eliminate seasonings, green onions, dried basil, dried oregano, salt and pepper to taste, shortening, parmesan cheese chunks 1/4-inch square, grated parmesan cheese, egg, sesame seeds, recipes for this program , which were provided by contributors and guests who may not be professional chefs, have not been tested in the food network s kitchens. therefore, the food network cannot attest to the accuracy of any of the recipes.

diced lamb (raw ), potatoes (raw ), hard boiled eggs, chopped onions, feta, crumbled, melted butter, chopped parsley, chopped mint, garlic, rice (uncooked ), milk, cinnamon, salt and pepper to taste, phyllo dough (16 sheets)- keep between 2 damp cloths so as not to dry out during use.

boneless chicken breast halves, white wine, lower sodium soy sauce, fresh ginger, grated, salt , ground black pepper, garlic powder and paprika to taste, leaf lettuce, tomatoes, sliced, seedless cucumber, sliced, radish roses, hard cooked eggs, each cut into quarters, shredded cheese of choice