63 hey bad Recipes

thick cut bacon, italian sausage, barbecue sauce (your favorite ), barbecue seasoning (your favorite rub , recommended bad byron s butt rub, rendezvous famous seasoning, or steven raichlen)

ground beef, quick-cooking rolled oats, egg, beaten, dried onion flakes, kosher salt, black pepper, sweetened condensed milk, brown sugar, ketchup, ketchup, brown sugar, dry mustard

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

parsnips, peeled and cut in sticks, equal amount of carrots, peeled and cut in sticks, butter (hey, paula), light brown sugar, nutmeg, grated orange rind, couple grinds of fresh black pepper, chicken stock, some fresh chopped parsley for garnish

nacho cheese dip, ground beef, dry mexican or taco seasoning, yellow onion, diced, chili powder, diced tomatoes with green chilies, drained, water (optional)

vegetarian refried beans, whole-wheat tortilla, romaine lettuce leaves, avocado, peeled and sliced, fresh pico de gallo

butter, onion, sliced, fresh mushrooms, sliced, brown sugar, ground beef, egg, dry bread crumbs, prepared horseradish, steak sauce, worcestershire sauce, garlic, chopped, dried minced onion, salt and ground black pepper to taste, pepperjack cheese, cooked bacon, cut into halves, guacamole , or to taste

tuna in vegetable oil or 1 (6 oz) can tuna in water, drained, mayonnaise, eggs (hard-boiled & diced ), sweet pickle relish, onion (diced , but i often use leek), cucumber (seeded & diced ), fresh tomato (seeds removed & diced), cheddar cheese (grated or shredded ), iceberg lettuce (thinly sliced , see prep note)

sugar, lemon , zest of, coconut cream, cream cheese, chilled butter, cut into small pieces, egg, lemon juice, fine self raising flour (or sifted), baking powder, salt, heavy cream, milk, blueberries, cooking spray or vegetable fat, sugar, chopped almonds or 3 tbsp walnuts or 3 tbsp hazelnuts, butter, melted, ground cinnamon

cream cheese, lemon juice, marshmallows, whole cranberry sauce, pineapple tidbits, drained and reserve juice, chopped pecans

banannnas, instant coffee, skim milk, homo milk, apple sauce, wheat germ, ices

dried corn husks, lard or vegetable shortening (i used . it adds flavor. it s not that bad once in a while, it s a saturated fat yes, but vegetable shortening is a trans fat, and i think that s worse for you. you can render your own using the cut off fat from pork roast and pork chops. do not use salt pork or bacon - ask your butcher for about 1 1/2 lb of pork fat), baking powder, blue corn meal ( is coarser than yellow, but if you want to make yellow tamales, get masa harina for tamales), water, chicken stock, preferably homemade, salt, poblano chilies, seeded and cut into a small dice, fresh or frozen corn (thawed if frozen ), monterey jack cheese , cut into a small dice

egg, large, brown (use any kind you want, really), pita bread (approx . 6 inches), american cheese (hey, it was handy! i think cheddar or swiss would be even better!), basil pesto

pie crusts, baked and cooled (or 10-inch tart crust), unflavored gelatin (knox is a good way to go), drambuie (1 airline bottle), canned pumpkin (not pumpkin pie filling, but actual ), heavy cream (hey, it s the holidays... use the !), sugar, egg yolks, lightly beaten, cinnamon, ground ginger, nutmeg, freshly ground, allspice, salt, egg whites, sugar, cream of tartar

tapioca flour or tapioca starch, shredded cheese (we used an italian blend), baking powder, eggs, melted butter, dill, dried chives

butter, white sugar, unsweetened applesauce, unsweetened cocoa, vanilla extract, eggs, all-purpose flour, baking powder, salt, chocolate chips

flour , sifted, salt, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon, nutmeg, pumpkin or cold, cooked mashed yams, eggs, melted butter, milk