198 funny things Recipes

crumbled firm silken tofu, vanilla protein powder, pure maple syrup, canola oil (not olive oil tastes funny) or 2 tsp hazelnut oil (not olive oil tastes funny) or 2 tsp walnut oil (not olive oil tastes funny), vanilla extract

when things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in the day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the two cups of coffee., a professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. when the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. he then asked the students if the jar was full. they agreed that it was., professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. he shook the jar lightly. the pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. he then asked the students again if the jar was full. they agreed it was., professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. of course, the sand filled up everything else. he asked once more if the jar was full. the students respnded witha unanimous yes, professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. the students laughed., now , said the professor as the laughter subsided, i want you to recognise that this jar represents your life. the golf balls are the important things - god, your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favourite passions - and if everything else was lost and only these remained, your life would still be full., pebbles are the other things that matter like your job , your house and your car., sand is everything else - the small stuff. if you put the sand into the jar first , there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. the same goes for life. if you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you., pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. play with your children. spend time with your parents. visit with grandparents. take time to get medical checkups. take your spouse out to dinner. play another 18. there will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. set your priorities. the rest is just sand., students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. the professor smiled. i m glad you asked., it just goes to show that no matter how full your life may seem, there s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.

here are the basics of making an excellent cheese fondue , the proper way (or at least the lindysez way)., use good cheese , i use half emmental swiss and gruyere, grate them up and toss them with some salt and a good amount of pepper. let them sit out at room temp so they melt better . cut your bread (good french bread, but not sourdough) into bite sized pieces making sure to have crust on each piece. let those sit out for a while too so they aren tsp too soft., cheese that you use , you are going to use 1 3/4 cups of a dry white wine, such as a fume blanc, a california sauv blanc (don tsp use a new zealand 1 as most are too grassy) or a pouilly-fume. when you are ready to make the fondue, rub the pot with a clove of garlic (we like garlic, so we leave the clove in, but you don tsp need to); then place over a medium heat and add the wine. when the wine comes to a simmer, start slowly adding the cheese, sprinkling in a handful at a time, allowing each addition to melt (my dad said you always have to stir in the same direction, in a figure 8 motion, it works. if you stir in a circle you will end up with a big glop of cheese in the middle of a pot of wine, the figure 8 is key); keep adding until you have a nice thick sauce, then add a splash of kirsch and a pinch of nutmeg. put over a burner to keep it bubbling, and stir often when you dip your bread., a lb of cheese is enough for 4 people; or more if you are serving other things. and the amounts are guesstimates. i almost always grate too much cheese, so only add as much as you need to get the right consistency ; when you dip a piece of bread into the fondue, you want a nice coating of cheese and for the bread to absorb the wine. that s what it s all about, cheese, wine and bread. so use the best you can of each ingredient. and any left over cheese makes for a mighty good ham and cheese omelet.

unbaked pie crusts, white sugar, unsweetened cocoa powder, water, vanilla extract, white sugar, butter, eggs, milk, baking powder, vanilla extract, all-purpose flour

original chewy caramels , unwrapped, original caramel chocolates milk , unwrapped, dark chocolate, popsicle sticks, granny smith apples, assorted candies and caramel corn, evaporated milk

butter or 3 tbsp margarine, marshmallows, rice krispies cereal, canned frosting or decorating gel, assorted candy

all purpose flour, baking powder, salt, vanilla sugar, sugar (very generous), pure vanilla extract, coconut extract, eggs, room temp, heavy cream, havana club dark reserve rum, butter, melted and cooled, generous ) coconut plus an extra little handful of toasted coconut, water, sugar, dark havana club reserve rum, if you re wondering why the measurements are a little funny it s because among the other changes i made to dorie s recipe, i also halved it.)

sugar, divided, baking cocoa, milk, divided, unbaked pastry shells (9 inches), king arthur unbleached all-purpose flour, baking powder, salt, egg, shortening, vanilla extract, cream , optional

all-purpose flour, butter, chopped walnuts, cream cheese, white sugar, instant chocolate pudding mix, instant vanilla pudding mix, milk, grated semisweet chocolate

frozen pina colada mix, crushed pineapple in juice, undrained, vanilla ice cream, mango flavored rum, cubes ice, whipping cream, cherries with stems

vodka, triple sec liqueur, peach schnapps, orange juice, pineapple juice, sweet and sour mix

spaghetti, broken into 1 1/2-inch lengths, salt and ground black pepper to taste, garlic, minced, divided, dried basil, divided, olive oil, divided, grape tomatoes, diced, red onion, diced, pitted black olives , halved lengthwise, sliced fresh mushrooms, romaine lettuce leaves , torn into bite size pieces

quinoa, water, extra virgin olive oil, yellow onion, diced, parsnips, peeled and cubed, stalks celery, chopped, broccoli florets, salt to taste, water, green onions, sliced, head romaine lettuce, washed and chopped, baby spinach leaves, garlic, minced, chicken broth, red bell peppers, seeded and cut into quarters, shallots , halved lengthwise, olive oil, lime, juiced, ground black pepper

elbow macaroni, butter, hot dogs, sliced, tomato sauce, milk, process cheese food (such as velveeta), cut into small cubes

penne pasta, low fat margarine, shredded reduced fat colby cheese, diced tomatoes with green chile peppers, white sugar, salt

apple tartin, quick cooked tart it is called an apple tartin and is very simple and beautiful. my daughter has made this for school and she never brings any back, plus she always has a large number of requests for the recipe. this depends on the size of the saute pan you use. i start with about a 10 pan well coated with no stick pam and i use about 2 sliced apples, about a 1/2 to 1/4 thick (i like granny smith, but use what you like). i then melt unsalted butter and enough brown sugar to cover bottom of the pan and make a thick syrup after it cooks. i thin put the apples into the syrup and cook a few minutes so they get coated good with the syrup., i over lay the apples or shingle them is the tech term in a round circle like a huge sun flower design or something that works for you, be creative! i then use bought flake pastry dough and put on top of the apples enough to cover completely and make an edge on the outside of the tart. you can roll the dough at the edge make a little design in it to close the edge or just leave the edge open but in a round shape no rough edges.then i put in the oven and brown the pastry dough. when it is done (doesn tsp take long to cook) i have a large plate that i put over the saute pan and invert so the whole thing comes out with the, apples on top and the crust on bottom. i then coat with my simple water and sugar syrup ( recipe above) for a shiny coat and then i serve with cool whip or ice cream. 1 thing i forgot . you will have a center hole the apples you can cut a round shape ot of the apple or fill with cool whip, but if you can cut the top of the apple with the stem intact it looks nice in the hole. i have used cookie dough for this recipe and it works , but the pastry works best for me.

frozen orange juice concentrate (thawed ), craisins, balsamic vinegar, dry sherry, garlic clove (minced ), chicken breast halves (boneless, skinned ), kosher salt, dark brown sugar, dark sesame oil, onion (chopped ), sesame seeds (toasted ), green onions (chopped )

fruit punch, frozen lemonade concentrate, frozen orange juice concentrate, frozen grape juice concentrate, cold water, ginger ale, blood orange, cut into rounds