170 eves now Recipes

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

cream cheese, softened, mayonnaise, crushed pineapple, drained with juice reserved, heavy cream , whipped, marshmallows

double-stuffed oreos, semisweet chocolat chips, shortening, red marachino cherries with stem, well-drained, milk chocolate hershey s kisses, sliced almonds, tube red decorative gel

pastry for two crust 9 pie, no , , t 35... ritz crackers, water, sugar, cream of tartar, fresh lemon juice, grated rind..no white please...of 1 lemon, butter, cinnamon, fit 1 crust in pie plate ., coarsely crush ritz crackers into crust ., combine water ,sugar and cream of tartar in pan,boil gently for 15 minutes., add lemon juice and rind,cool ., pour syrup over cracker ,dot generously with butter,sprinkle cinnamon., cover with top crust,trim ,flute edges,cut slits in top or place pie bird in center,allowing steam to escape., bake at 425 degrees for 30 to 35 minutes,or until crust is golden ., serve warm with tahitian vanilla bean ice cream,infused with madagascar vanilla...oh,okay! blue bell vanilla will do just fine.

stew meat, cubed, potatoes, peeled and cubed, carrots , cut in bite sized pieces, cut green beans, undrained, corn, undrained, diced tomatoes in juice, undrained, onion, diced, salt and pepper to taste

white button mushrooms, sliced, butter, salt and pepper, sauerkraut, drained and rinsed, oil, chopped onion, flour, white vinegar (or more ), cooked rice

yeast, scalded milk, flour, evaporated milk, warm water, sugar, butter, melted, egg yolk, beaten, salt, sauerkraut, well drained (save liquid if making the mushroom soup)

uncooked spaghetti, sliced pepperoni, ground beef, browned, onion, chopped, butter, melted and divided, green pepper, chopped, tomato sauce, divided, grated swiss cheese, divided, sliced mozzarella cheese, divided, canned chopped mushrooms, drained, oregano, basil

hard-boiled eggs, roquefort cheese, black caviar, chopped chives, soft butter, lemon , juice of, cayenne

black-eyed peas (dry ), water (see recipe instructions), ham bone (with a little bit of ham left on), garlic powder, pickled jalapeno pepper (chopped finely), salt and pepper

olive oil, orange juice, red wine vinegar, salt, fresh cilantro, chopped, head romaine lettuce, beets, cooked and julienned, apples, peeled and sliced into wedges, oranges, peeled and segmented, bananas peeled and sliced into rounds, fresh pineapple cubes, unsalted peanuts

dried salt cod, cut into 3-inch pieces, soaked, all-purpose potatoes, peeled and quartered, fine quality olive oil, celery, trimmed, well washed , and cut into 3-inch pieces, onion, chopped, gaeta olives, pitted, hand crushed san marzano plum tomatoes , with juice, chicken broth, salt , to taste

red potatoes, peeled, cooked , cut into 1/2-inch pieces, shredded swiss cheese, chopped red pepper, chopped green pepper, mayonnaise or light, salt, cayenne pepper, baked ham or turkey, chopped fresh parsley

vinegar, olive oil, sugar, beets, cooked, peeled and sliced (can use canned , sliced beets), apples or pears, cored and sliced, oranges, peeled and sliced, bananas, peeled and sliced, jicama, peeled, halved and sliced, limes, peeled and sliced, carrots, cooked and sliced, radishes, sliced, almonds, chopped peanuts, raisins, pickled jalapenos , cut in slivers

handful dried mushrooms (porcini,shitake,etc.-whatever you like and can find) soaked in enough water to cover until soft, fresh button mushrooms,thinly sliced, garlic,finely chopped, butter, flour, milk, sour cream, white vinegar, sugar, water, salt, fresh ground pepper

strong black coffee, dark chocolate, chopped, sugar, coffee liqueur, dark creme de cacao, grappa or brandy, cream

bacon diced, onion diced, stalks celery diced, new potatoes diced and blanched, half-and-half, butter, clams, fresh or frozen chopped, flour, clam concentrate or clam base, clam juice or nectar, garlic , white pepper, black pepper, cayenne pepper, marjoram, beau monde seasoning, fresh basil chopped, dill, thyme, bay leaves, fresh parsley chopped

collard greens washed and cut into 2 in squares, yellow onion sliced, smoked bacon sliced, chicken broth, red wine vinegar, brown sugar, tabasco sauce