153 darned had Recipes

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

butter, chopped onions, chicken broth, mixed vegetables, with liquid, kidney beans, with liquid, whole peeled tomatoes, with liquid, frozen chopped spinach, tomato paste, garlic powder, dried parsley, salt, ground black pepper, dried basil, uncooked elbow macaroni, grated parmesan cheese, canned garbanzo beans, drained, heavy cream, grated parmesan cheese for topping

lean ground beef, onions, chopped, green bell pepper, seeded and chopped, garlic cloves, coarsley chopped (do not mince the ), dried oregano, crushed red pepper flakes (adjust to taste) (optional), chili powder, cumin, stewed tomatoes , with juice, tomato sauce, seasoning salt or 2 tsp white salt, to taste, red kidney beans , with juice

chicken , cut into pieces, margarine, dried parsley flakes, garlic, pressed, rosemary, thyme, oregano, basil, tabasco sauce, worcestershire sauce, minced onion

boneless pork chops, frozen , at least 1 inch thick, sweet onion, sliced, head garlic, peeled and rough chopped, carrots, cut into thirds (more or less to your taste ), chicken broth (this is all i had, i used a whole can and it made a lot gravy, so you decide), mrs. dash garlic and herb seasoning mix (more or less to your taste), salt and pepper, flour (depends on how thick you want the sauce)

acorn squash , halfed and deseaded (i used two small and had enough stuffing left for a third 1), olive oil, onion, diced, celery, diced, frozen spinach, thawed and squeezed, fat-free cream of mushroom soup, nonfat milk, low-fat swiss cheese, shredded

quesadillas, i have cooked plenty of quesadillas on the grill ., i usually used american and cheddar cheese grated together and i would do a chicken , a beef and a veggie 1 on the grill., i had several large cast iron flat griddles ( brushed with butter) i put on the grill, because i always had to cook a bunch of these and the griddle would hold about 4 if you are only cooking a small amount, using just the grill after oiling would be fine., meat and chicken were spicy and the cheese only was plain and you could put pico de gallo on any of them. we made them like a taco in flour tortillas (tortilla folded over in half). the veggie ones had thin sliced tomatoes, jalapenos or red jalapenos, scallions, cilantro and cheese. brush with butter and grill them or just lay them on the griddle if you have 1. these cook fairly fast., keep it simple keep it good, later, tom

quesadillas on the grill, i have cooked plenty of quesadillas on the grill ., i usually used american and cheddar cheese grated together and i would do a chicken , a beef and a veggie 1 on the grill., i had several large cast iron flat griddles ( brushed with butter) i put on the grill, because i always had to cook a bunch of these and the griddle would hold about 4 if you are only cooking a small amount, using just the grill after oiling would be fine., meat and chicken were spicy and the cheese only was plain and you could put pico de gallo on any of them. we made them like a taco in flour tortillas (tortilla folded over in half). the veggie ones had thin sliced tomatoes, jalapenos or red jalapenos, scallions, cilantro and cheese. brush with butter and grill them or just lay them on the griddle if you have 1. these cook fairly fast.

beaten eggs, sugar ( i use scant 1/3 + 2tsp. local honey(whatever is local for you)), cornstarch, salt (or to taste), cayanne pepper (or to taste), cider vinegar (i use 1/3), butter (i use 1 1/2t.), evaporated milk (i recently had to use 1/4c.whole milk+2tsp. coffee creamer(i heated milk to dissolve creamer)), yellow mustare ( dijon oe the cracked mustard seed mustard may be used or none at all.

frozen sliced peaches, bacardi fuzzy navel mix, ice, champagne, water, peach schnapps, vodka, sugar

family sized package ground beef (it must be cheap or it will be dry), onion, chopped, eggs (or how ever many it will take...you will understand later), saltine crackers, crushed (per 2 lb of ground meat, adjusted as needed), garlic cloves, crushed (per 2 lb of ground beef, adjust to your taste), dried sage (per 2 lb, adjust accordingly), poultry seasoning (per 2 lb beef, adjust to taste), brown sugar (white sugar can be used if that s all you have), hickory flavored barbecue sauce (any brand will do, but make sure it is either of the 2 varieties) or 1 (16 oz) bottle mesquite smoke barbecue sauce (any brand will do, but make sure it is either of the 2 varieties), salt and pepper, brown sugar (i use a 12 oz coffee mug to measure it in) or 12 oz white sugar (i use a 12 oz coffee mug to measure it in)

chocolate cake mix (1 bag), instant chocolate pudding mix (1 small package), eggs, sour cream, warm water, oil, chocolate chips

chicken broth, chicken legs, idaho potatoes (peeled and cubed ), mushrooms (cut thin), onion (cut thin), diced scallion, fresh cilantro, chili oil, salt, red pepper, basil, oregano, black pepper

cottage cheese, sour cream, real mayonnaise, chopped chives, garlic cloves, finely minced, grated onions, worcestershire sauce, tabasco sauce, fresh ground black pepper

plain devil s food cake mix, instant chocolate pudding mix, sour cream, water, vegetable oil, eggs

egg yolks, sweetened condensed milk, fresh key lime juice, freshly grated key lime zest

enchilada sauce, cream of mushroom soup, chicken breasts, cooked and shredded, flour tortillas (small soft taco size), grated cheddar cheese