18 you for christmas Recipes

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

real milk chocolate chips (or dark, if you prefer ), white almond bark, cut into small (1-inch), marshmallows, crisp rice cereal, salted peanuts or 1 cup un, red maraschino cherries, drained, and cut in half, green glazed cherries, drained and quartered, angel flake coconut, oil

eggs, separated, caster sugar (fine sugar), left-over christmas plum pudding (more if you prefer ), rum (brandy or orange liquer), double cream

pack pumpkin (you can use canned but fresh is better ), apple butter, brown sugar, ground cinnamon, ground ginger (to taste), ground nutmeg, salt, eggs, lightly beaten, evaporated milk, pie crusts (2 if you want a top on it)

mixed dried fruit (raisins, golden raisins, currants, cherries, craisins, you choose), glace cherries, quartered, glace apricot, chopped, glace pineapple, chopped, chopped glace ginger, grated orange rind, grand marnier, brandy, vanilla ice cream, softened, chocolate chips, chopped pecans, water, cocoa powder , sifted, butter, soft brown sugar, dark semi-sweet chocolate, chopped, brandy

ham bone , with visible meat, onion, diced, water, celery seeds or 1 stalk celery, chopped, white pepper, ground black pepper, red potatoes, cut in 1 inch cubes, butter, flour, half-and-half

butter, white sugar, eggs, flour, cocoa, cinnamon, nutmeg, mace, ginger, allspice, baking soda, strong coffee, currants, raisins, chopped nuts (pecans or what you like), chopped candied cherry, chopped candied pineapple, chopped citron, chopped dates, chopped candied grapefruits or 1/4 lb orange peel

granulated sugar, butter, eggs + 1 egg yolk, all-purpose flour, baking powder, milk, raisins , soaked in whiskey or you can even substitute candied orange peel or cherries or cranberries..., lemon extract, cardamom (you can add more, it depends on your personal taste), icing, i make a simple glaze to drizzle over the top.

gammon ham, unsweetened pineapple juice, golden syrup or 3 tbsp clear honey, if you prefer, pineapple rings, drained & cut into chunks (or use ready diced ), tip of a tsp cinnamon

butter, vanilla wafer crumbs, green glazed cherries, halved, candied red cherries, halved, candied pineapple, chopped, dates, chopped, chopped nuts (any kind you desire), sweetened condensed milk, bourbon

manicotti, butter, divided, fresh mushrooms, sliced, garlic cloves, pressed, spinach, thawed & squeezed, ricotta cheese (or cottage cheese that you ve whirled in the blender), egg, beaten, salt, pepper, butter, flour, half-and-half cream or 2 cups cream, salt, shredded cheese (whatever you like), whole wheat bread, shredded mozzarella cheese (combination) or 2 cups cheddar cheese (combination) or 2 cups parmesan cheese (combination), butter, melted

microwave popcorn (use buttered & good quality ), honey roasted peanuts, rice krispies (you can use the holiday kind), almond bark, peanut butter

sour cream , preferably the richest (with the highest butterfat) you can find, all-purpose flour (to thicken), milk, hot, salt (or to taste), sugar (or to taste), butter, melted (as a garnish), sugar (as a garnish), ground cinnamon (as a garnish)

chicken broth (from chicken you cook), eggs, masa harina (do not use ready made masa, it has lime which will not work in this recipe), butter, lard or 8 oz additional butter, sugar, peanut butter, sugar, allspice, salt, pepper, milk, raisins, black, soaked in, water, onion , cut lengthwise into thin slices & parboiled & drained, oil, onion, diced finely, pimento-stuffed green olives, in jar, eggs, hard boiled & cut into eighths lengthwise, red bell pepper, sliced very thinly, whole chicken, onion, garlic clove, parsley, salt, pepper, banana leaves or 6 -8 if not available use aluminum foil or 6 -8 parchment paper, cut into 10 inch squares. my family doesn tsp use corn husks for this kind of tamale

butter, softened, unsweetened chocolate, sugar, eggs, beaten well, vanilla, all-purpose flour, cream cheese, softened, sugar, peppermint extract or 1/2 tsp cherry extract or 1/2 tsp orange extract or 1/2 tsp lemon extract (use whatever you like to go with whatever color you want), red/pink for valentine s day, green for st. patrick s day, red or green for christmas, blue for ha), non-dairy whipped topping, thawed (cool whip), semi-sweet chocolate chips or 1/4 cup milk chocolate chips, melted (optional)