143 lets talk Recipes

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

ripe mangoes, juice from 2 limes, sugar, all-purpose flour, baking powder, sugar, cream of tartar, salt (optional), cold butter , cut into slices, cold milk, cream, shredded zest from 2 limes mixed with 1 tsp sugar

bread, cut into 1 cubes, milk, olive oil, yellow onion, garlic cloves, carrots, peeled, stalks celery, horseradish, ground chuck, ground veal or 1 lb ground turkey, ground pork, eggs, roughly chopped fresh parsley, dijon mustard, coarse salt, ground pepper, sliced bacon, brown sugar (optional), ground mustard (optional), tomato paste (optional), water (optional)

raisins, in, boiling water (let cool), melted butter flavor crisco, white sugar, brown sugar, eggs (beaten with sugars), flour, salt, rolled oats

lemon wedges, strawberries, simple syrup (dissolve 1 part sugar in 1 part boiling water, let cool), grey goose vodka, splash cranberry juice, fresh edible flower (nasturtium, pansy or any other you have available. must not have pesticides on them!)

whole wheat bread, toasted, cooked bacon, romaine leaves, avocado, quartered and sliced, smoked turkey, tomatoes, mayonnaise, alfalfa sprout, dijon mustard (optional)

quick couscous or 12 oz israeli couscous, frozen corn, thawed and cooked ,let cool., black beans, drained and rinsed in cold water, chopped red onions, chopped green peppers, chopped yellow peppers, chopped orange bell peppers, chopped red peppers, zucchini, halved and thinly sliced- use a mandoline, kalamata olive, pitted and sliced, olive oil, white wine vinegar, white balsamic vinegar, cumin, chopped fresh basil, chopped fresh thyme, chopped fresh marjoram

whole wheat flour, almond flour (use roasted almond and blend well to make ), baking powder, baking soda, salt, egg, maple syrup, buttermilk (mix 3/4 cup of milk and 1 tsp of lemon juice and let sit a few minutes to make ), canola oil, vanilla extract, chopped pecans, dried raisins, butter (for cooking ) or oil, as needed (for cooking)

cream cheese, softened, sour cream, taco seasoning mix, green onions, chopped, green pepper, chopped, tomatoes, chopped, cheddar cheese, shredded, black olives, sliced (optional), ground sirloin, cooked crumbled and drained and let cool, tortilla chips

very ripe bananas (or mash peeled yellow bananas on a plate and let set for a couple of hours at room temp to soften an), brown sugar, flour, baking powder, salt, eggs, oil, vanilla, cream of coconut, shredded zucchini, chipped nuts (optional)

all-purpose flour, baking powder, baking soda, unsalted butter , cut into cubes, buttermilk (you can make your own by adding a tbsp of lemon juice to 2/3 cup milk and letting i), gouda cheese, grated, dried rosemary (double the amount if you use fresh), salt, milk, for brushing

jimmy dean sausage, bread, remove crust and let bread dry, cheddar cheese, shredded (i used sharp), extra large eggs, scallions, chopped, green pepper, diced, red pepper, diced, sliced mushrooms, half-and-half, dry mustard, salt

vermicelli (cooked according to directions, let cool), good season s italian dressing (make ahead of time), head parsley, green onions, diced garlic cloves, pepper, salt, mayonnaise, pimentos (optional) or 1 (2 oz) jar finely diced red bell peppers (optional)

market pantry lemon creme sandwich cookies *available at most target, kraft jet-puffed marshmallows, cut in half

recipe basic pizza dough , recipe follows, milk chocolate chunks, for topping, white chocolate chunks, for topping, marshmallows, for topping, banana slices, for topping, peanut butter, for topping, chocolate covered candies, for topping (recommended : m&m s), recipe courtesy paula deen , 2008, warm water, active dry yeast (recommended : rapidrise), salt, bread flour, olive oil, plus more for bowl, cornmeal, for pan

butter or 1 cup margarine, sugar , sifted, vanilla, egg, flour , sifted, baking soda, cream of tartar, salt, spiced gumdrop , sliced into eyes, nose, mouth and ear shapes (remove black gumdrops)

basmati rice, diced chicken (optional), saffron (either powdered or threads-let soak in 1 tbsp. hot water for a few minutes), eggs, plain yogurt, oil

brown sugar, shortening or 1 cup butter, sour milk (make by adding 1tsp vinegar,and let set for a little while), baking soda, baking powder, eggs, salt, vanilla, flour