19 christmas traditions Recipes

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

traditional recipe, spry or 1/2 kilo milk butter, spoonfuls of orange juice, egg yolks, vanilla, brandy, frosting sugar, glasses of all purpose flour, spoonfuls of baking power, glasses of blanched and roasted almonds, cut in small pieces, spoonful of soda, extra frosting sugar for coating, blossom or rose water

shredded suet, self-raising flour , sifted, white breadcrumbs, ground mixed spice, nutmeg, freshly grated, ground cinnamon, brown sugar, sultanas, raisins, currants, mixed candied peel, finely chopped, almonds, skinned and chopped, cooking apple, peeled, cored and finely chopped, orange zest, lemon zest, eggs, stout beer (guinness), rum or 2 tbsp brandy

ground lean pork, lean ground beef, potatoes (boiled and mashed ), salt, pepper, onions (chopped ), dried celery flakes, poultry seasoning, sage, water

sliced oranges, sliced citrus fruits, garlic, exceptionally fine olive oil, sugar, red onions, cumin, mint, black pepper, salt, italian parsley

shredded beef suet (or grated butter) or 2 cups shredded vegetable suet (or grated butter), light brown sugar, raisins, cooking apples, currants, candied lemon peel, candied orange peel, citrus mixed candied peel, ground nutmeg, mace, almond essence, blanched almonds, brandy or 2 tbsp apple juice, lemon , juice and rind of, sherry wine

sultanas, currants, mixed dried fruit, coarsely chopped, orange , juice and zest of, crushed pineapple, brandy, plus extra for finishing, blanched almonds, unsalted butter, brown sugar, eggs, vanilla essence, almond essence, ground almonds, bread flour, baking powder, ground cinnamon, mixed spice, nutmeg, brandy, extra for feeding cake (approximate)

raisins, currants, sultanas, prunes, pitted and chopped, citrus peels, finely chopped, sliced almonds, freshly grated nutmeg, ground mixed spice, ground cinnamon, ground almonds, salt, fresh breadcrumbs or 12 oz cake crumbs, soft brown sugar, butter, softened, eggs, beaten, brandy or 4 tbsp rum, stout beer , such as guinness

light molasses, melted butter, warm milk, eggs, beaten, all-purpose flour , plus additional for tossing fruit, baking soda, salt, ground cinnamon, candied mixed fruit (or diced dried fruit such as pineapple, pears, apples, and plums), raisins, brandy, holly sprig, for garnish, hard sauce , recipe follows, butter, sugar, salt, vanilla extract, brandy or rum

unsalted butter (4 sticks), sugar, eggs, separated, lemon extract, flour , reserve little to dust raisins, pecans, before adding, heaping tsp baking powder, pecans, chopped (medium, not fine ), white raisins or golden raisins, i added some personal notes in the directions. the directions may look lengthy , but they not complicated. enjoy

cakes (0.6 oz each) compressed yeast, lukewarm milk, flour, butter, room temperature, margarine, room temperature, sugar, salt, flour, grated peel of 1 lemon, butter flavoring and almond extract, sliced almonds, raisins, washed and soaked in rum overnight, candied lemon , and orange peels, quartered candied cherries, marzipan recipe, almonds, blanched, peeled and coarsely chopped, egg whites at room temperature, salt, rosewater , if unavailable use 4 tsp almond extract or vanilla, powdered sugar

dried pears, cut into 1/2-inch chunks, dried figs, cut into 1/2-inch chunks, dried prunes or 1 cup dried plum, roughly chopped, raisins or 1/2 cup sultana, candied orange peel, diced, candied lemon peel, diced, kirschwasser or 1/4 cup rum, water, granulated sugar, active dry yeast, unbleached whole wheat flour, ground cinnamon, ground allspice, vanilla (or seeds scraped from 1 bean), blanched almond, roughly chopped, walnuts, broken into large chunks, hazelnuts (some may be halved, leave others whole), butter

granny smith apples, diced pineapple, diced celery, raisins, sweetened shredded coconut, walnuts, roughly chopped, mayonnaise, sour cream, salt and freshly ground black pepper

duck, giblets removed, orange, fresh thyme, chopped, fresh rosemary, chopped, kosher salt, freshly ground black pepper, sugar, earl grey tea bags, water, molasses

water, sugar, sugar (used with yeast), salt, canola oil (if not fasting) or 5 tbsp butter (if not fasting), active dry yeast, all-purpose flour, poppy seed, honey

strongly brewed black tea, sugar , to taste, lemons , juice of, oranges , juice of, cinnamon stick, red wine (choose a full-bodied variety such as cabernet sauvignon, zinfandel, pinot noir, or merlot), golden rum, fresh lemon and orange slice, to garnish

light molasses, melted butter, warm milk, eggs, beaten, all-purpose flour , plus additional for tossing fruit, baking soda, salt, ground cinnamon, candied mixed fruit (or diced dried fruit such as pineapple, pears, apples, and plums), raisins, brandy, holly sprig, for garnish, hard sauce , recipe follows, butter, sugar, salt, vanilla extract, brandy or rum