843 version gran Recipes

christmas with louise, as a joke , my brother, jay, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before christmas. he said all he wanted was for santa to fill them., what they say about santa reviewing behavior and checking the list twice must be true because every christmas morning, although jay s kids stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty., year i decided to make his dream come true. i put on sunglasses and with a hat pulled down and went in search of an inflatable love doll. they don tsp sell those things at walmart., i had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. if you ve never been in an x-rated store, don tsp go. you ll only confuse yourself. i was there an hour saying things like, what does this do you re kidding me! who would buy that finally, i made it to the inflatable doll section. i wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my car so i could use the car pool lane, during rush hour. finding what i wanted was difficult. love dolls come in many different models. the top of the line , according to the side of the box, could do things i d only seen in a book on animal husbandry. i settled for lovable louise. she was at the bottom of the price scale. to call louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination., on christmas eve , with the help of an old bicycle pump, louise came to life., my sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after santa had come and gone, i filled the dangling pantyhose with louise s pliant legs and bottom. i also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. i went home, and giggled for a couple of hours., next morning my brother called to say that santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him very happy but had left the dog confused. she would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. we all agreed that louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional christmas dinner., my grandmother noticed louise the moment she walked in the door. what the hell is that she asked. my brother quickly explained , it s a doll. . who would play with something like that granny snapped. i had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. where are her clothes granny continued., boy , that turkey sure smells nice, gran, jay said, trying to steer her into the dining room. but granny was relentless. why doesn tsp she have any teeth again, i could have answered, but why would i it was christmas and no 1 wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, hang on granny! hang on! ., my grandfather , a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, hey, who s the naked gallon by the fireplace i told him she was jay s friend. a few minutes later i noticed grandpa by the mantel, talking to louise. not just talking, but actually flirting. it was then that we realized this might be grandpa s last christmas at home., dinner went well. we made the usual small talk about who had died , who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. the cat screamed. i passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth to mouth resuscitation. my brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants laughing and granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car., it was indeed a christmas to treasure and remember. later in my brother s garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of louise s collapse. we discovered that louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape , we restored her to perfect health., louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. i think grandpa still asks about her whenever he can get out of the house

herb stuffing mix (i used roasted garlic flavor), frozen broccoli florets, thawed and drained, low-fat cream of mushroom soup, velveeta cheese (low fat versions) or 1 cup cheez whiz (low fat versions)

chicken broth (use vegetable broth for vegetarian or vegan version) or 4 (14 1/2 oz) cans vegetable broth (use vegetable broth for vegetarian or vegan version), carrots, cleaned and cut into 2 inch lengths, onion, chopped, butter (or oil for vegans), curry powder, turmeric, ground ginger, cayenne pepper, cream (skip for vegans) (optional), salt and pepper

ground beef, onion, chopped, chili beans or 1 can hot (for a spicy version), stewed tomatoes, chili powder or 2 cans rotel tomatoes (or 1 of each), salt and pepper, diced green chilis (for a spicy version) (optional)

uncooked quinoa, water, cashews, ground, carrot, grated, chopped onion, celery, diced, white button mushrooms, grated, soy sauce , unfermented, tahini (or flax seed mixture for the vegan version), egg (for the non-vegan version), thyme, sage, garlic powder, nutritional yeast flakes, tofu, firm, vegetable broth, for sauteeing

eggplants, unpeeled and chopped into bite size cubes, zucchini, sliced, white button mushrooms, sliced, green peppers , cut into strips, onion, sliced (i like to use red onion but you can use what you like), garlic cloves, minced, diced tomatoes, undrained, thyme, cumin, sage, marjoram, bay leaf, sweet paprika, soy margarine (for non-vegan version, use regular margarine), garlic powder, onion powder, sweet basil, salt and pepper, cooked rice , to eat it over

butter, brown sugar , packed, flour, nuts, gran. sugar, cream cheese, eggs, milk, lemon juice, vanilla or almond extract.

carrots 1 chopped 1 grated, onions, half a turnip (swede) chop half grate the other half, leek, potatoes chopped, fulls of red lentils, smoked ham hough or pack of smoked bacon chopped, veg oil, salt and peppir to taste, water

a/p flour, baking powder, grated lemon zest, gran. sugar, plus extra for topping muffins, eggs, milk, poppy seeds, salt, unsalted butter

thawed frozen raspberries, less cup gran. sugar, chambord ( or a nipa)

thousand island dressing (can use regular or any of the light versions), cream cheese (can also substitute with light version)

honey, brown sugar, butter (for the lower fat version) or 1 1/2 cups applesauce (for the lower fat version), shortening, peanut butter, eggs, vanilla, whole wheat flour, flour, baking soda, baking powder, chocolate chips (optional), chopped nuts (optional), raisins (optional), dried unsweetened coconut (you can add whatever you want) (optional), oatmeal (depends on how much you like )

short-grain rice, butter, light cream (about 15% fat), salt, brown sugar, vanilla extract, ground nutmeg

onion, minced (red is best ), garlic clove, minced, lemon juice, mustard (dark, spicy ), celery, finely chopped, major grey s chutney (or your favorite , homemade version of thick, mango and ginger chutney), mayonnaise, eggs, hard-boiled and chopped, salt, pepper, almonds, chopped (whole , salted)

store bought pizza dough , preferably whole wheat, pastrami, sliced into strips (i like the store bought light versions), sauerkraut, store bought, thousand island dressing , a store bought light version, bread and butter pickles, sliced thinly (i like the zesty flavored ones), lowfat swiss cheese (4 slices), flour

cooked chicken, condensed golden mushroom soup, sour cream (substitute plain yogurt for low fat version), mozzarella cheese (skim mozzarella for low fat version), ritz crackers

whole wheat flour, oats, baking powder, baking soda, salt, nonfat soymilk, water, vinegar, margarine (i use earth balance), low-fat cheddar cheese (use vegan version, like vegan gourmet)

mayonnaise , such as hellmann s, minced roasted garlic, hot dog mustard, kosher salt, worcestershire sauce, ground black pepper, squeeze of lemon juice, buttermilk, hot sauce, dried basil, granulated garlic, ground white pepper, egg, beaten, oysters, shucked , liquid reserved (for the shrimp version, substitute 24 medium peeled raw shrimp), panko breadcrumbs, cornmeal, flour, dried basil, granulated garlic, sea salt, fresh cracked black pepper, cayenne pepper, hot paprika, canola oil, soft 8-inch french or hoagie rolls, split, garlic butter, softened (minced roasted garlic mixed with butter), loosely packed shredded green cabbage, sliced deli-style dill pickles, red heirloom tomatoes, sliced 1/4 inch thick